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Something to look foward to (staremo) wrote,
@ 2003-11-26 20:52:00
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    You act as though life without you is exactly what I want, but it isn't. Everyday gets harder and every word losing meaning a lot more quickly. I saw a picture of you today, it was one of you intoxicated, but you smiled. And I thought "that's the only time she's happy, if she's running away from all that hurts litterally or if she's running away by drinking or smoking." And I cried, oh how I've cried for you. Then I went over your notes and you said, "I love music that makes me jump around" and I want you to jump around in your room, and yell at the top of your lungs, sober, "I am matter what they say." Because you are, you're so beautiful to me.. And you call me, you're so upset, you tell me you want to die- and I believe you, but I think you're so selfish. I think you want everything or nothing at all, you want happiness and you don't care who you hurt to get it. You don't see by leaving this town how much it'll hurt. And you see me with new friends and you think "she'll be fine moving on" but I'm with these friends and I think they'll never mean as much as you do..And I wish I would've said all these things sooner, I wish I could make you stay, I wish we could sit together at lunch forever because that's the best part of my day- seeing you for that long. 300 miles seems so far away when everywhere I turn there's a reminder of you. Then I thought today and I said to myself, "I know happy she'll be 300 miles away from everyone that's ever caused her pain, I know how much she'll smile- and I just want to be there when she finally does smile again." But I won't be, I won't be there. And I wonder if that's why you want to be that far away, if it's anything to do with me. You say it's not that far away and you aren't leaving for a long time, but every day I see you all I think is "She's leaving, why should I even become more attached?" And you say we've made great memeories, and you say you care but I wonder if you really do, I mean if you truely do. Because I could never leave you.. I could never leave. I want you to smile again, I want you to be happy. I want you to move on and realize that you can become all the things you would ever want to be, even if it is without me. I want you to smile..

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