| Current mood: |  crushed |
| Current music: | "Perfect" ~Simple Plan |
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
...I just want a regular life.. ever since i got home tonight i've been crying.. i just want a regural fucking life... a mom, a dad, me, a dog.. idk.. just i wish my family was more conventional... i mean my family is an uncle who hates me.. locked me out of my house.. and if he could would kick me out forever.. a grandfather whose hitler.. but i feel he cares about me more then a lot of other people in my family... then my mom.. a mom whose never home.. and when she is she's getting drunk... My dad lives in louisianna.. and who might I add as lung cancer and might die soon... i love my father I really do... but when am I suppose to see him.. and does he ever call me? no.. i get maybe one call a year if i'm lucky.. What if he dies.. I'll never have any closer.. i'll never really be able to tell him bye
My life... is just one big thing of nothing.. of emtyness .. as you see my family life sux.. and my friends.. i feel like, if I died tomorrow.. they might be sad all of 5 minutes.. then they'd forget about me.. they'd go to my funeral out of respect... and while there be saying, "so what we gonna do tonight". I feel like they don't care about me at all. I mean I've been ditched for them to hang out with certain people.. or i've been just not invited somewhere.. it just sux.. i mean what if it was you it was happening to.. think about it.
My love life... SUX ...every guy I like.. likes one of my friends.. or more of my friends for that matter.. and it's just not kwl. That really hurts ya know? Like.. if they liked a complete stranger.. it's totally diff.. or if they liked someone.. that i know.. but i'm not really friends with.. but one of my best friends.. i swear that hurts so much.. and I can't do anything about it. And of course I never say anything about it.. i just let it go.. they say that they're sorry.. and i say it's no problem.. there's nothign I can do.. I never express my feelings.. i really have to work on that.. It was so much easier not liking anyone.. and I really thought I didn't ... but of course.. someone i use to like.. walks back into my life.. and what happens... damn... i hate it.. i don't want to like him.. I really don't.. but you can't help the feelings you get...
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