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Samantha (sstarz) wrote,
@ 2003-04-05 01:14:00
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    yay for a private journal
    ok weird. someone has "sstarz37"... and the username is samantha. the email, is sstarz37. i never made a journal on blurty before. that's fuckin weird. yeah, well nicole made me this..and that's a good thing. i need a journal to vent on.. especially because this week has driven me across the edge. i don't even know, i've never felt so broken, so useless, so.. empty. if i disapeared from the earth right now.. it wouldn't matter, at all. and that's sick. it's sick that i even think like that. i don't think things like that, i don't know what's wrong with me. on the way home before.. i was listening to a cd that mike mccarthy made me in 9th grade, and listening to those songs made me remember the memories. i miss that so much.. i was always so happy then. like nothing mattered, i didn't give a shit what anybody thought of me, and i'd do anything to make myself happy. now it's like, where are all my friends? i know lisa and sara were bitches, and probably weren't true (actually not probably, who am i kidding) but at least they stood by me thru ANYTHING. they would never be interested in the kid i've been infatuated with, they'd never choose sides in petty fights, they'd always be up for having a good time. i don't know why i crossed over. i thought this change was for the better, i was almost convinced. but right now, i'd do anything to be "baby spice" again. i wish i never met chris testa, i wish i never met nick or any of them. because who can i actually rely on now?
    1:11.. make a wish. ha.. i wish my wish wasn't so far-fetched and so fucking un-attainable.

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