Goodnight.
Out in the feilds with Ryan and Greg and was the strangest experiance in a long while. But it was lovely, and something there made me think of you. Something evreywhere does.
"If you're not ever going to see someone again, it's like they've died." ...and Jackie's right.
You've died. But I still think about you all the time, I hope you know. All I need is for you to know who you were to me.
And I think about you, Allie Etta. Everyday. I think abou you morning and night when I take off your necklace or put it back on. But right now, I'm not wearing it, and lately I haven't wanted to. Lately I've had the distinct urge to take it off, almost as strong an urge as I used to feel to wear it. I don't know what that means, if it means anything at all. Maybe I just can't deal with it or maybe I'm weak and need to be free or something stupid stupid stupid like that. I don't know. I have no idea. I will see your grave in less than seven days. I don't think I can do it. I haven't though abuot it until just now. Oh Jesus Christ, you're under the ground. and I can see you in your carebears sweater or soemthing in white tennisshoes and capris staning alone at night scared and alone in the middle of a wet alley because thats what I was afraid yuo were doing that night after they put you in the ground. I don't think you're in the ground I think you're wandering the earth alone. I can't see your mom and your dad and your sisters because I don't know what to say or do I don't know where I am. I was never good. I was never good. I was never good. I want to see you. Kill me. Wake me up. Does anyone know the truth about who they are to me? Yes, it matters. Yes, it matters. Nothing else does. Fuck off fuck off fuck off all of you unless I'll never see you again.
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