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silver and gold rings around.
I was driving back beach and staring out the window and thinking about how you told me its all become to intertwined and I believe you but isn't that just disgusting? But I think that one line describes the root of ALL the problems I have, not just the context in which it was spoke. It's all become too intertwined. Everything has all become too close. And isn't that just disgusting? And we got stuck in a traffic jam just outside of Stafford and I stared into the headlights at 10 oclock at night on 95 when it isn't abandoned. I feel like I'm in Rome. I feel like half of this matters. So because it matters I allowed myself to, without feeling stupid, miss everyone and who they COULD HAVE BEEN but weren't.
And Alli called me and we talked for a bit while my father drove in the emergency lane and she told me somethings that made me more angry than you can imagine. Please don't give my Alli bad advice in my absence. I swear you really can't fix your image in my head now. I'm glad Alli is smart. And then she bought me something in walmart that makes me brilliantly happy, so I was okay again.
The beach is so beautiful. I want to live in California. I want to go to Berkley of Stanford and finally live where I should be with bleached hair and brown skin and slatwater on my lips and big cities and away away away. But I would die without Gracie and my family would give me hell abuot leaving, even more hell than I would give myself, so I'll probably end up staying here.
My car broke down. It doesn't even start. I get a loaner one tomorrow.
I miss everyone and who they could have been but weren't. I am such a fucking idiot.
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