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I'm once again being an indecisive moron and considering hiding some entries again, but I don't know. Many of them are already locked up... still, most of those left open remain relevant. I guess I'll just leave it to nostalgia to take care of things. Still, to be honest, I am quite terrified of my old words. There are old truths there that do not ring as clearly as they once did. There are frightening fragments of my mind hidden in those letters, and I would never want for someone to be marred by them, in any sense of the word. I am not very good at correctly expressing myself, either. I'm unusual, I know. I understand that, oftentimes, I come across as a total freakshow or a deluded child. I cannot say for sure whether or not I fit those assumptions, but personally, I'm just... You know what? I actually don't have a complete answer for that. I guess I'm just doing the best I can in the time I'm here. In other news, the past two days have been exceedingly difficult for me (actually, it's been much longer than two days). I'm feeling very lost right now, but with a heartbreaking sort of camaraderie I know I'm not the only soul in the world who feels that way. It really is saddening. Bought two fluffy Care Bears off eBay, too... yes, I'm still a fan of those guys, don't laugh. They put a ton of smiles, hearts and rainbows into my childhood, and I treasure those happy memories to this day. The fact that there are four candy-colored bears smiling on my desk right now helps remind me of that old innocence, and that it's still there, only hidden. There are many things I've hidden, from both myself and the world around me. The lies are beginning to numb things, and that frightens me. I don't want that. I need to stay honest, I need to stay true and I need to keep looking up. There's so much to live for, and I keep forgetting that through the dim and bleary words that stab me between the eyes on random Tuesday mornings. (It's not even 12AM; I shouldn't be talking like this yet) Found three amazing things today: Hauschka, MLIA, and snow falling from the sky when I woke up. They all made me sit back and truly smile, which I needed. (If you got snow, I hope it didn't ice up your driveway, seriously. That's never fun.) ... I just set into motion one of the riskiest chances I've ever taken. There are many steps I have to take yet, but now that I've finally taken the first... I just have to pray that this all works out for the best, no matter what that end may mean for me. My happiness is not top priority here. My mother just threw a snowball at me from down the hallway. Bonus points! Unfortunately, I have no time to spend stringing words together tonight, so I'll be off. If I ever become the Sandman, I want raindrops in my hair. I saw a face It was a face I didn’t know Her sadness told me everything about my own Can’t let it be When least expected there she is Gone the time and space that separates us And I’m not safe I think I need a second skin No, I’m not safe I want to travel by night Across the steppes and over seas I want to understand the cost Of everything that’s lost I want to pronounce all their names correctly She doesn’t laugh We’ve gone from comedy to commerce And she doesn’t feel the ground she walks upon I turn away And I’m not sleeping well at night And while I know this isn’t right What can you do? Post a comment in response: |
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