| Current mood: |  awake |
| Current music: | breakdown by instruction |
my icon is purty....i started writing the journal thingy that i was talkin bout last time and its coming along nice...im on the night when conner tried...and yea...well anyways....im letting go of a lot of repressed anger and emotions but theres a day that i cannot remember...i dont kno y...its like totally blocked out....like the thing...idk.....im pretty sure thats the day when things got out of hand and he told me bout the girl and he hurt me and we broke up but im not sure wat truely happened or where or y or anything....its really wierd and when i start to think about it my head begins to hurt....so lets not think about it....and im trying to move beyond that...its like a short story kinda thing/book which i have to finish my book thing....watev...i will one day....lol....i have to do so much shit with my life....lol....anyways im bored and ive done the thing i needed to do and yea...my head hurts from trying to remember but i dont....so its like...no...u get me? i want something...im not sure wat....almost tofurkey day and like yea....tommorow BB has the thanksgiving food thing and francesca will be there so i wont be alone....to think that i would have missed all of this if i wouldve gone along with my plans in april??? with the running of the away and stuff....but now im actually feeling a little better and things are going pretty well with juan and everyone else and me and my dad havent argued in a while my mom either....and yea....things seem to be going o.k...now watch next time i post i'll be like either crying or sad or just blah....just watch cuz life is wierd like that.... the emotion is awake becuz im like learning about myself and trying to realize things bout ppl and me and im waking up for the first time in a long time.....im not being....stupid or messed up....this is a point in my life where im happy with myself and wat im doing....im clean of everything....no drugs (prescription or otherwise), no alcohol, no self- mutilation, no self hatred (well maybe a little self-esteem issue here and there but its not the immense hatred i felt in the past), no nothing bad....i just feel....great!! i feel revived......I was thinking about Brad earlier and I kno that he would be proud of me. He would be sooo proud. I could just hear him now "Go Chickadee!! I love you!!!" or soemthing cute like that ...lol...im gonna go cuz my head is trying to kill me and yea....so im gonna go....bye!!!!
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