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*My Mind Is Open And The Thoughts Are Pouring Out For The World To See*
NoStalGic DREAMR: there is a guy in my eng class who openly admits to the teacher he sells and smokes it and I asked him if having only $40 in his bank account was worth all the week he smokes
NoStalGic DREAMR: and he even showedme it
NoStalGic DREAMR: and said that it is great
NoStalGic DREAMR: he said more but I forgot
NoStalGic DREAMR: weed*
Mike CrdR: that's sad
NoStalGic DREAMR: it is
NoStalGic DREAMR: just think of what it kills inside of you
Mike CrdR: brain cells
NoStalGic DREAMR: its sad
Mike CrdR: it's not so much that it's bad for you but i just makes you a bad person
NoStalGic DREAMR: I think killing brain cells is bad? lol
Mike CrdR: yeah but everythink kills brain cells
NoStalGic DREAMR: I am getting like tiny shooting pains in my forehead
Mike CrdR: *thing
Mike CrdR: ouch
Mike CrdR: we gotta figure out what's wrong with you
Mike CrdR: i don't want you to feel bad
NoStalGic DREAMR: my mom does then forgets about it lol
Mike CrdR: geez i'll go to the doc with you if you want me too
Mike CrdR: or something
NoStalGic DREAMR: she made me so mad yesterday when I told her our family would never be normal wheather aaron was gay or not...then she got mad at me and I told her how she is so ungrateful for the things she has in her life how she complains and never sees the true pleasure in life how we are all healthly and she said aaron is not that he has a disease and then she yells at my dad telling him to take the floor up and it looks nice and he worked so hard
NoStalGic DREAMR: I felt so bad for him
NoStalGic DREAMR: it makes her sound so bad but I feel she is ungrateful I mean if she won the lottery it still woundlt be good enough for her
NoStalGic DREAMR: she would want more somehow
NoStalGic DREAMR: its like 110 pounds is not good enough for her...it makes me feel like I am not good enough for her
Mike CrdR: gosh i'm sorry
NoStalGic DREAMR: that anything I do will be wrong to her bc one day she feels one day and then contridicts herself the next...telling me to give up on dave and when I get pissed it is bc she is right and I know it
NoStalGic DREAMR: no dont be sorry there is nothing to be sorry about
NoStalGic DREAMR: its just things that make me want to not be like her and drive me to be better
Mike CrdR: well that's good
NoStalGic DREAMR: and I am not like that I am grateful for what i have...I mean I have a nice house...too nice I think...it keeps me dry and safe and I always hae food no matter what...i have way too much
NoStalGic DREAMR: I have a dad who will take off work to take my car back up to get is fixed
NoStalGic DREAMR: and prob pay for it all over again if he had to
Mike CrdR: you just made me feel all warm inside
NoStalGic DREAMR: I feel horrible for saying such mean things about her she is an amazing mother just sometimes
NoStalGic DREAMR: aw lol
NoStalGic DREAMR: I mean she gives up a lot for us too and she works hard but she doesnt need to complain so much I mean she complains about her goals...having goals at work made me want to start working more so I get reach them and do better than others...I mean I bought stuff last ngiht so I would do well for the week lol my mom told me to buy $83 worth so I would gold star and she would pay me back
NoStalGic DREAMR: I should have
Mike CrdR: oh you can buy stuff towards your goal
NoStalGic DREAMR: yeah lol...I am hoping I can take it back and put it under the stores number instead of mine so it will not be deducted from my sales bc it was $40 and I dont really have it
NoStalGic DREAMR: I was waiting to buy it at the end of the month when it would be on sal efor me but I decided to do it last night and beth bought some stuff to for me
NoStalGic DREAMR: I thought that was sweet
NoStalGic DREAMR: I realized today that my mother does not chew gum like some mothers
NoStalGic DREAMR: its like chewing gum is abnormal
NoStalGic DREAMR: for me
NoStalGic DREAMR: for her*
Mike CrdR: lol
NoStalGic DREAMR: our power went out and she was fussing bc she couldnt take a shower and she couldnt get online or do this or that...I just laughed when I tried to turn the tv on lol Idont know
Mike CrdR: lol
NoStalGic DREAMR: I saw Jobe last night
Mike CrdR: oh?
Mike CrdR: where
NoStalGic DREAMR: I was standing in the middle of the floor at the store and I looked up and he was walking pass the store...he never looked my way or ecknowledged (sp) the store was there
NoStalGic DREAMR: I did not realize i would react as I did i went in the back room
Mike CrdR: ha
Mike CrdR: how'd you react
NoStalGic DREAMR: I mean I wanted to break up with him but seeing him I dont know I freaked...like I had flashbacks of good times and all and its like I cannot stay mad at anyone...I mean I may come off mean and cold hearted sometimes but I cnnot stay mad at anyone even if they hurt me...I dont know why I just cant
NoStalGic DREAMR: its like with us I couldnt stay mad like I wondered how you were doing and stuff
NoStalGic DREAMR: i sometimes wonder what he is up to and if things are going ok like his dad and all
Mike CrdR: that's good that you do
Mike CrdR: means you're a good person
NoStalGic DREAMR: and knowing me I would talk to him again...I mean I dont even know why but I prob would bc well I dont know why I just cant stay mad
Mike CrdR: yeah
NoStalGic DREAMR: but knowing him he is the out of sight out of mind kind of person and prob does not think twice which makes him not a good person
Mike CrdR: i don't
NoStalGic DREAMR: I dont...what?
Mike CrdR: think of him as a good person
NoStalGic DREAMR: I think he is the type that tries to buy love
NoStalGic DREAMR: i think he is insecure
NoStalGic DREAMR: and I am not as insecure as I come off to be but I think he is
NoStalGic DREAMR: but he is 17 so he will grow up eventually and find someone who wants what he wants I am just not her
Mike CrdR: yes
Mike CrdR: dave's 17 too
NoStalGic DREAMR: haha but it was crazy I ran in the back room and beth was like whats wrong and I was like "jobe...I saw jobe..." and she was like "omg are you ok' I was like no I dont think so....I was like wait why am I like this!!?....yeah he is but for some reason dave is so different in my eyes...like I was thinking of that last night how he and andrew were and dave was the one who wanted to talk to girls and get to know them but andrew wanted to get to know what was in their pants it seemed
NoStalGic DREAMR: but dave was detailed...he is just different...he I cant explain...but the time tells me he is different lol
Mike CrdR: ha yeah
NoStalGic DREAMR: i dont know but I like my mood now it is like apethic yet not but I am not down on life but grateful I guess
NoStalGic DREAMR: haah I was reading 10 ways to live longer
NoStalGic DREAMR: and one was being optimistic and I was telling my dad and he was like "what does that mean then' I said " mom is in her death bed"
NoStalGic DREAMR: she got mad lol
Mike CrdR: ha
NoStalGic DREAMR: #3 was having sex lol
NoStalGic DREAMR: I was like oh ok tehn
Mike CrdR: haha
NoStalGic DREAMR: and one was being rich and that was daves main focus on how life is reolved or well happiness is revolved around money which is true to most people but he was going on and on about how it is and kept asking me if he or steve or cooper would be rich in 30 years and I kept saying I do not know and he kept yelling saying answer the question
NoStalGic DREAMR: I was like I cannot answer it
Mike CrdR: hmmm
NoStalGic DREAMR: I know what mood this is I am in...the writing mood
NoStalGic DREAMR: lol
NoStalGic DREAMR: where I have a million thoughts and they flow easily
Mike CrdR: i can't say money and happieness are not directly related but i wish money didn't exist sometimes but that'd truely be impossible
NoStalGic DREAMR: I have had thoughts about that too
Mike CrdR: yeah your thoughts are flowing
NoStalGic DREAMR: I mean everything revolves around it
NoStalGic DREAMR: and it just makes people so bitter and unhealthy to me it seems
NoStalGic DREAMR: I mean look at my mother...if money did not exist she would prob be pretty happy
Mike CrdR: and she wouldn't have a job
NoStalGic DREAMR: I use to say if i were president I would outlaw money hahah I was little when i said that
Mike CrdR: so then ????
Mike CrdR: haha
NoStalGic DREAMR: well no I mean having a job for the fun of it
NoStalGic DREAMR: not bc you make money at it
NoStalGic DREAMR: but having a job bc you enjoy it
Mike CrdR: hmmm
Mike CrdR: interesting
NoStalGic DREAMR: I mean it is clrealy impossible for most americans to have jobs that do not make money
NoStalGic DREAMR: I mean some do it but I am sure there is so income somewhere
Mike CrdR: yeah
NoStalGic DREAMR: but I like those people who do their jobs bc they enjoy it not bc they have to do it
Mike CrdR: yep
NoStalGic DREAMR: my mom has to do her job for us to live
NoStalGic DREAMR: to live they way we do
NoStalGic DREAMR: I mean she could take her old job back and we could still live but not as we do no
NoStalGic DREAMR: w
Mike CrdR: yeah
NoStalGic DREAMR: which to me would be fine bc we were fine then
Mike CrdR: i love your views
NoStalGic DREAMR: prob better in my eyes
NoStalGic DREAMR: thank you that means a lot to me
NoStalGic DREAMR: enjoy them while they last they will go back into hiding soon
NoStalGic DREAMR: I wish I could always be like this lol
Mike CrdR: me too
NoStalGic DREAMR: it seems only early in the morning and late at nights sometimes
NoStalGic DREAMR: thats when I write in the morning
NoStalGic DREAMR: and do my homework when i first wake up they flow better
NoStalGic DREAMR: i think bc they are floating around while I am sleeping ready to come out lol
Mike CrdR: haha maybe
NoStalGic DREAMR: I told my mom today that I figured out what I wanted to do in life lol...so guy was cleaning out windows at work and i told him how I love to clean my windows in my car lol so I would do that for a living lol my mom said something demeaning (sp) lol
Mike CrdR: ha you'll find something you love doing
NoStalGic DREAMR: oh I know
NoStalGic DREAMR: I kinda hope it is something that does not make much money
Mike CrdR: same here for me
NoStalGic DREAMR: bc I think that the people who have jobs that they enjoy doing have nice things..in their eyes they are nice but people like my mom liek things bc they look nice to everyone
NoStalGic DREAMR: I am def saving this convo lol
NoStalGic DREAMR: I wont remember otherwise Iam not eating
Mike CrdR: yes i am too
NoStalGic DREAMR: haha
Mike CrdR: i think i need to go to bed though now
NoStalGic DREAMR: me to
NoStalGic DREAMR: too*
Mike CrdR: even though i slept till 1
NoStalGic DREAMR: lol
Mike CrdR: i'm sleepy
NoStalGic DREAMR: Iam kinda
NoStalGic DREAMR: I really wasnt today lol
NoStalGic DREAMR: thats why i stayed all day at work
Mike CrdR: call me in the morning ok
NoStalGic DREAMR: will do
NoStalGic DREAMR: thanks for listening lol
Mike CrdR: oh course
Mike CrdR: *of
NoStalGic DREAMR: haha night
Mike CrdR: night :)
NoStalGic DREAMR: :)
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