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manmaking101 (softleads) wrote,
@ 2004-12-29 08:56:00
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    Current mood:hopeful

    It Continues Til Twelfth Night!
    I have a lot more respect and admiration for Santa and Nana now that I have done the full-Christmas marathon and paid the price for it. Ho-ho-fuckin'-ho! Who knew really how much work it is to get everybody in the universe gifted, fed, and happy all in about thirty-six hours? I guess I could bitch that I have no elves, but with immigration laws as discriminatory as they are, I imagine only elves seeking political asylum could come to work for me legally...and there's so much INS action in the neighborhood, twelve miles from the border and all. Of course, Nana had one huge advantage as she labored long and hard to make our Christmases wonderful beyond words: love inspired and guided every move; she manifest that love and care in everything she touched, every dish she prepared, every gift she wrapped. God, how I wish I had that advantage! Yes, for Megan and Allie, I felt more than the usual measure of love as I prepared their gifts and did things for them;with all that has happened this year--the close scrapes with death and the joyful opportunities for rebirth--they have enjoyed special chances to value, and to teach, their dad. We know how lucky we are that we're all still here. If only all of it could be that way! If only...

    I'd like to promise that next year we'll all be together in a good place where we know we belong. I don't think it's fair to make a promise like that, though. I have no idea whether or not I could honor the promise--too many things too far beyond my control, and too much reluctance about trying to control circumstances and events when I know that The Great Auithor writes the script as He sees fit...not my job. I'm good with throwing a little prayer, though: "Father, whaddaya say? Do You think that, maybe, next year, the girls and I could all spend Christmas together in some place where we know we all belong?" Meantime, there is a promise for me to make and keep: I will do everything in my power to make certain that the girls see they've got the dad they deserve--the teacher and writer he always promised he would become, the artist and athlete he knew he always could become. I do promise at least that much. At least that much.

    I made a friend today! Dulcinea, I am sooo honored that you read and liked my Blurty! I read some of yours, and I love the way you think and express yourself. I cherish this new friendship a little bit more than you can imagine, and I hope you'll keep checkin' on this writer's progress into full-fledged manhood. You've givben me reason to hope that this Blurty really can change my life for the better, not just because it gives me a reason to seek and dwell in perfect snactuary, but also because it brings me in-touch with wonderful people like you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You gave one of the greatest gifts I got this season!

    I guess that, pretty soon, I'm gonna hafta get more sophisticated with my formatting, finding ways to integrate my artwork into this thing, and generally making in more of a "window into the writer's mind." Some student of Emerson reflected once that Emerson's writing represented "a sterling example of a fine mind at work." Of course, I agree. And I think that gives me another reason for devoting myself a little more faithfully to this Blurty: If it really could provide a workshop or jobsite for development of that fine mind, and if it really could show how a fine mind works, I'd feel that I really had accomplished something more than making my fingers dance the qwertyuiop across the board. The scholar missed the crucial point, though: All that Emerson-gift didn't really originate in the mind. Unh-unh. Sorry. I spent way too many years with way too many gifted kids to persist in that mistake. Giftedness without character's alloy ain't worth...well, you fill-in the ellipsis with your favorite pile of disgusting stuff. In order to deliver a moving picture of a fine mind at work, the writer really has to show the process by which the mind gives shape and texture to the heart's urgings. That's why sitting alone in the silence takes a man only so far in his understading of himself and his place in the world. Sure, perfect self-command and self-control seem wonderful, but they have value only if they turn outward and affect others in good ways. Even if "Silence is the cornerstone of character," it's still the character that matters.

    {another update in just a little while...}

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