| Current mood: |  contemplative |
| Current music: | Lemon Jelly "A Tune for Jack" |
Those Dar(e)n Pasttimes
See? I'm getting better at keeping this updated. It's just been a measly 12 days since the last time. You should be glad that I spend my precious free time doing this for you =P Kidding, of course. As of late, I've had a lot of things on my mind. Things with Ryan are alright, but I guess this is that time in a relationship, right before the year mark, that you are figuring out how things are really working out and if you're really going to be in it for the long haul. This is true of all relationships, I'm told. Ryan and I reached 10 months a few days ago. It seems like I am just worrying about everything. Worrying that we don't have anything in common, worrying that we have nothing to say to each other, worrying that where we are in life are on 2 different levels.
Facebook is a bitch. It's so easy to see what everyone is up to, which is great sometimes. With my free time before bed, I usually peruse it. I saw Daren's new girlfriend. I'm happy for them both, I really am. I'm happy for Daren because he's been going through so much with rehab and everything, getting himself back on his feet. I mean, I have my own boyfriend who I love dearly. I looked at the photo album his girlfriend had on her page. It was full of pictures of them. That in itself wasn't what made me a little sad. The pictures were of them doing the very things that Daren and I would do together. The tromps through Wal Mart in the toy section, the walks on the Huckleberry, etc. I remembered everything; everything fun. Daren and I were practically attached at the hip. We were always together if we weren't in class or at work, which even then, we might find a way to be. I miss having someone that close to me. I'm close to Ryan, but sometimes I feel detached. I don't mean to and I don't think it's anything either one of us can fix. I guess maybe I am just longing for that kind of companionship in someone. And I know that it's normal for people to compare present partners to their past ones. And I know that the relationship one has with one person, might be completely different, yet totally as great, as the one they had with someone else.
I guess all I'm saying is that seeing those pictures reminded me of some fun times in my life. Some that I wish I could share with Ryan. And I don't want you thinking that I'm still in love with Daren or that I like him more than Ryan because I don't. I just miss the memories. And it's just that I miss meshing with someone in that way, being able to share the simple pleasures in life. No two relationships could ever be the same, which is good because I don't want them to be. And while I miss some things about the relationship I had with Daren, there are other things that Ryan is way better at than Daren (example: loving me) and those things I would never want to change in a million years. So I guess, with that, I should be on my way. I just really needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening, guys!
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