| Current mood: | pensive |
| Current music: | cursive, underoath, moneen, the jealous sound |
we're nothing short of invincible.
i think it's funny how it's always the stupid things that frustrate me the most. i think maybe it's like that for the world in general. how people can somehow find a way to ignore all those huge atrocities happening in the world, but a crappy assignment or a long day and suddenly it's a travesty? i'm only saying this because i've been flipped out recently over some dumb stuff, and some important stuff. and i guess it's normal to care about the not-so-meaningful stuff, because at least you feel like you can have some jurisdiction over it. but being angry and trying to persevere through an assignment that a teacher totally botches...just isn't worth it i guess. so i guess the question is, where have i been recently? i wish i could tell you. i mean, i know what i've been doing, but none of it really seemed all that real. i guess i realized how small my horizons have become...and then i realized that it's just another change. another sunset. i don't want to be so confined. i feel like a caged animal. i can't break free. i can't express what i want anymore. i'm not even sure what i want. everything is shifting, changing...and some of us are getting tossed over the edge of the ship. and who's going to keep dragging people back into the boat if we're all swimming and sinking? i'm sick of this unclear metaphor, i'm sick of feeling like i'm losing, and struggling. maybe it's the fact that there is no spotlight. but there's that feeling where so many people you called friends have simply moved on. and you wonder, whether they are better things or bigger things or if there's anything at all, and have they noticed that you're not there, and should you even be noticing this at all? i'm sick of not knowing the answers to these questions. but i'm more sick of having to ask them. i'm sick of feeling...like suddenly i'm the mean one. does it look that way? i don't know when or why or how that happened. most of all...i miss the attention, i miss having my opinion matter, i miss knowing that i'd be missed by more than the people i could count on one or two hands if i just stopped showing up to much of anything.
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