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Actually she didn’t lead me anywhere but a valley of deceit and pain. Torn from my home I was forced to meet people and survive socially. I am not a great conversationalist to the random people I meet each day whom I care very little about. But in extreme social droughts I will blossom. Joel was the first “bee” attracted to my flower. He was an extremely overweight West Virginian with solid eyes and straight cut bangs across his pasty forehead. We would play cards or discuss affluent members of society. Alas my pollination needs were not satisfied by a rotund hillbilly, and I cultivated other friendships and encouraged growth. Now next to my bed was a long thick wooden club and I often contemplated beating my roommate Willie to death. I had no real reason except boredom. Well, maybe it was for walking around in his saggy hole-ridded briefs, or maybe because he pursed his lips too often. Either way, I had it out for him since day one. One afternoon a girl named Kaylee, I had known for quite a while, proposed to me with a glorious diamond ring and a pinecone. I accepted only because I had watched her propose to men all day long and all declined. The ring contained a rather large diamond in the center and the pinecone, she told me, looked like a frog. She went on to explain that a frog peed on her that day and she felt all men were like frogs in that they were gross and always left her. After given the assurance I wouldn’t pee on her hand, we became engaged. But the engagement was short lived, and she broke it off in an elementary school-like note scribbled on a lined sheet of notebook paper and violently torn from its spiral safety. I believe that girl is mentally unstable, though, as she took back the ring and tried to win my approval with her protein shakes full of apple cores and pepperoni and Pepsi-cola. When she left for her home to be with her dying mother, I took to plotting ways to murder Willie on my days off. I naively thought I could poison him, burn him and all his possessions, and bury him in the field across from the church. But the same week that Kaylee left and I foolishly contemplated murder, I heard the voice of God. They told me to go to a Bible school and study and prepare for the mission field. That night I told Willie of my calling. He warned me I could be poisoned, or burned alive along with all my possessions, and buried in a field! I figured it to be a good guess, and took to thinking up other ways to dispose of that thorn in societies flesh, Willie. Post a comment in response: |
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