Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Okay... maybe not the worst but it ranked right up there with the worst of them. And the strangest part of all of it is that it kinda helped me make a decision about something.
First... I've been hearing rumors that Ms. Frost was... seen... like... out with my dad. The kids are saying stuff... and knowing my asshole womanizing father... that might explain why she seems to hate me so much. Do I have proof? Well she gave me a week's detention yesterday for being like.. 30 seconds late coming back from lunch. I had to go to the bathroom and there was a line since this school is so lame that it only has like 2 stalls!!! It wasn't like I was out vandalizing the building or something.
After school I had to go straight home as I have been every day for the last two weeks since I've been grounded for sneaking out. For the first time since then I talked Daddy in to letting me go spend some time along on the beach... so there I went while he was headed to a meeting across the island.....and I started reading this book I was assigned to read for class. Stupid book report... it's called 1984. It must have been written like a million years ago because they thought the world would be all crazy by now. It's boring as all Hell. But I got some good work done on my tan while I was reading the first couple of chapters...
.... Then Ashton showed up. He'd left me a note a few days ago saying he was going to come by. He said he missed me. Which was nice. I kinda thought he hated me. But he didn't.. because after we talked a little he started kissing me, which was really nice.
Really nice until Daddy showed up and yanked him off me. Ash said something to him that I can't even remember now and Daddy punched him in the face! I seriously think he might have a broken nose. A black eye at the very least. Daddy chased Ash away, but before he left he whispered to me that he'd call me. I'm not sure if Daddy heard that or not. He sent me to my room though... and I sat there for awhile.. then I went to go talk to him about it. I'm sick of being treated like a little kid. I'm 17 years old now!!!! He thinks I'm some little kid... he thinks I don't know anything about.. well anything.
But when I got there to talk to him... Sutton was there. Apparently he's working for my dad now. And apparently Daddy told him about Ashton. I'm not really sure why that would have come up in his business conversation, but right when Sutton looked at me... I knew he knew. He looked so hurt, and I felt so bad... and I had to stand there and pretend I didn't know who he was because Daddy was there. Daddy knows I snuck out. He has no idea his business partner was the person I was sneaking out WITH.
But Sutton left... and I told Daddy I was going for a run... and I went to try and explain.. apologize ... figure out where we stood I guess. He basically told me I had to choose. So I did. And I didn't choose him. I didn't WANT to choose at all.. but I guess it wasn't fair not to. He made me feel like the biggest cheating heart breaker in the world. I don't know if he meant to.... we went out like.. twice! And the first time was more.. just meeting up at that party... I don't know why Sutton likes me so much. He...like... really really looked really really upset. I cried like a big baby. I like Sutton. I know he's too old for me.. and I know he'd be in huge trouble if Daddy found out. Like... locked up in jail kind of trouble. Not that it matters now. And we didn't really have anything in common... but I like him. He made me feel... comfortable. Safe. For the first time since I've been on this island.
And I hurt him. I feel like shit.
But I realized something after that. And after today when this new guy started at school. Dyllan. He's gorgeous... and my age... he was passing notes with me.. and I got him in trouble so he was stuck in lunch detention with me. Ms. Frost took the notes up and the picture he drew (of me.. it was so pretty)... and she said next time she'd read the notes out loud to the class. And in detention he kinda told me he liked me and said all of these nice things and I kinda let him know I wasn't really available... but we're gonna be friends. I SO need a friend.
And I realized... if I could take losing someone I like as much as Sutton... and if I could turn down the cutest boy in school... then I must really like Ashton.
Like really really like him... right?
So maybe I'm ready to have sex with him after all. I mean.. that's what he wants... And it's not like I haven't ever done it before. I have. Twice. With my boyfriend back in New York. Daddy doesn't know that of course. But Ash wants to and I don't want to make him mad again... so....
... maybe...
Daddy would really kill him then....
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