|Current mood:|| bitchy|
|Current music:||the washing machine|
i'm about to lose control, and i think i like it
so i'm losing it. totally...all those who matter know about it... thanks to *you*. you do realize i'm royally pissed at you? not for telling, not for saying that i'm selfish and immature *well maybe a little bit*...but for giving me my ring back. i don't care how much you tell me you're not giving up on me, you'll always be there, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...but it feels like you are giving up. it feels like you're leaving me, and i don't need that. i really don't. but then again, *its not always about me*..who gives a damn what i want right? obviously the people of tylenol don't, they only package those damn pills so by the time you need them, you can't do what you want with them. there were only about 5 or 6 in the bottle last night after danny left, and i was very close to taking them, but i didn't think it would do the trick. and then i opened the cabinet where the liquor is...and was actually in there, going through the bottles, deciding which one i wanted. but we only had a tiny bottle of vodka, and that wouldn't have worked? you know, silly danny, you left the rest of the vase with me. i can break it any time i want to to get another piece of glass. any time
he wants to know why i don't ask for help, why? because i shouldn't have to. i don't know if that makes any sense or not, but that's why. if its such a big problem, then i shouldn't have to ask. someone would be telling someone, or they would already know. of course, i know i'm damn good, and don't let most people know what i'm thinking. it just all pisses me off so bad. i don't like being like everyone else. i don't see how people can join those communities for suicidal people, or SI or whatever. i read the entries and it pisses me off. i'm supposed to be unique! there shouldn't be 200 other people feeling the way i do. it doesn't work like that. it shouldn't work like that. that's probably why i don't want to go to a psychiatrist. i'm just another suicidal/depression/self mutilation case. and whether that's how it would be, that's how i feel. screw it. i'm walking to lembo's before i do anything stupid.