s. who invented those things anyway? i'm going to find them and burn them alive. or dead. *haha* and kir says she's worried about me. i can't decide if i'm worried too. things were better today, i was actually kind of hyper and loud. but its getting hard for me to distinguish when i'm faking and when i'm not, i haven't really noticed since the jazz thing on friday. speaking of which,
the lakeland concert. *hah* that was fun huh. playing is almost the same as talking for me. that=bad. so i just tuck all that away during performances, and then i get all crappy afterwards. really bad. we were still on stage and the headache hit, and i wouldn't talk for a long time. i wasn't really sure what was going on, i just followed everyone off the stage, and to the clinic. so then when we were going to dinner, farin *ignore the names* threw a snowball at danny *danny was wearing his suit..bad idea* and he went running after him to kick his butt. and i think it was shawn, i can't really remember, said that one of them was going down *it was snowy and kind of icy* and bust a knee cap. i actually started to laugh, but immediately started to cry. i don't know why, don't ask. but then i started to walk to the other side of the clock tower that was there in the middle of the sidewalk, and it kept turning and turning. i couldn't get to the other side. and that creeps me out. it was actually moving. *heh* and now i'm hallucinating on top of things. *poo-eating grin* after i finally got to the other side, danny finally figured out where i was, i wiped my eyes, and we started to walk to the car, where i tried to make danny feel better *it really wipes him out trying to be all happy all the time* and things just went on as nothing happened. *btw my butt cheek feels like it is totally on ice* weird.
the whole point of the story: why does laughing make me want to cry? i feel like i'm not worthy to laugh, or i shouldn't. i don't know why. something with i've been depressed for so long, i shouldn't find joy in things? maybe, maybe not. i guess i need danny's expertice on this one. of course i just have to tell him first.
contemplative