| Current mood: |  crappy |
| Current music: | my chemical romance - i don't love you |
my book of random thoughts
currently reads: "i'm trying to fit a square block into a round hole" on page 3. also on page 3 is: "i hate the one thing i like about you".
it's amazing how the mind works with and against you. sometimes i think i'm psychotic, sometimes neurotic, sometimes over-analytical, sometimes airheaded, sometimes something other than normal. have i completely lost it? it's simple math; you make something happen for yourself, but that something need not necessarily pay off especially when it takes more than just you to make it good. it's no longer a 1+1=2 anymore, it's a 1+1=?. you're not in full control over anything, and for a person who has a pretty high level of external locus of control, that doesn't sit very well with me at all. that's when my mind starts to race for no good reason, sleep gets disrupted because i can't think of anything else. other than... that... THAT... thing.
the hard part is letting the what could've been take over. but the harder part would be not having tried at all.
i finally know how people like jinhao, zhenglong and chengxi feel when i unintentionally bo-chupped them into oblivion. their intentions would've been made known had i not been such a genius at not caring. i'm finally getting what i deserve.
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