Today has been rainy and cold, exactly the kind of day I like. I wanted to spend the entire day curled up on my bed with a book and maybe some cholcolate, but life had other ideas. I am currently unemployed and today I started to feel guilty that I have only half heartedly been looking for work since we moved here. So I went looking for work. I got very wet and first my hair went limp and then it frizzed out and took on that unappealing white-person-afro look. What was I thinking when I cut my hair this short anyway??? After about three hours I decided that no one was going to hire me looking like that anyway, so I went home and threw some sweats on and tamed the wild hair. So much for the job hunt. It can wait until Monday, I guess.
Sometimes when I have a hard time sleeping I think about what it would be like to have enough money and not have to work anymore. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be rich. I don't want anything lavish or decadent, just enough to get by. I'd like to have enough money that I could say, "Screw this, it's a lovely dark day and I am going to spend it in bed with my husband." Instead he trudges off at the break of dawn, headed for school and his part time job, and I look forward to yet another day of rejection by prospective employers. I know that this is the time in our lives that we have to suffer through in order to get to the good stuff, but I'd prefer if we could skip the learning experience and go straight to the enjoyment part. I guess all this proves is that I am selfish and lazy. *sigh*
I got a letter from Trina yesterday. It was a surprise. For a while there I wondered if I was ever going to hear from her again. There is something about her that I just love, you know? I guess in a lot of ways she reminds me of me, except that she is younger and further on in her life than I was when I was her age. Sometimes I wonder if part of what draws me to her is that she was my husband's first love. I don't mean to say that it bothers me at all, I guess I am just a little intrigued by her because of it. I think sometimes about what it was he loved about her. And I understand. She is a beautiful and amazing person. My sister-in-law often teases me (not so kindly sometimes) about my friendship with Trina. I don't see why we shouldn't be friends. We get along well and she has found love and happiness in her life. She and my husband remain friends... Christmas card type friends. He laughs at the fact that she and I are friends, but he never asks for details on how she is doing. I'm secure in his love. And I am glad for her friendship.
Wow. I have babbled on quite a bit tonight. Time for some reading and meditation.
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