|Current mood:|| determined|
a new beginning
a chance to start all over again
Unless you can't forget the past
tearing at your heart
Alone, I face a society
who doesn't know me
doesn't accept me
No one understands
no one will ever understand
Can't you hear me
for anyone, anywhere
Suffocating in a family, a world
who doesn't believe
I will make them believe.
Defying everyone I've met
everything I've learned
everything I've ever known
Even if it costs me my life.
Love is the power behind it
courage is the power that inspires it
honor is the power that keeps it alive
Only the dawn acknowledges me as I start down a treacherous path
that no one has gone down before
I will be the first.
Nothing can stop me.
© by Anita Cheng
^^This poem truly describes everything about me. I'm so determined to do everything right. I want to be good at Skating, staying skinny,dance,singing,friends,work and everything else in my life.
Since i turned about 14 i've wanted to have the perfect body, no matter what i only wanted to be a size zero and 90 pounds. But sitting here in my 5'4 115 pound body i realize that its pretty much impossible. I'm not saying i'm fat, i know i have a lot of muscle, but as i constantly hang around with people way skinnyer than me, i start to ask myself WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!! why am i the fat one? this has never happened to me before!!! I'm determined to be 100 pounds, and i hate having to do it the anorexic way, but sometimes i feel like its the only way i can, and the only control over my life i can have. I wish there was some miracle pill i could take and tommrow i could wake up being any weight possible... but thats not gona happen. I'm starting to realize that its ok to be my size, but its hard to ask yourself to not be insecure. I wore tight pants to skating today for the first time in my life, i didn't feel that HUGE but the stares i got... i automatically began thinking that they must be looking at how fat i am. I wish i didn't care about it... but i do! i need to admit it I DO CARE!!! and i can't stand any negative comment about my body.
I am so determined to become an amazing singles skater, and ice dancer, and synchro skater... I would love to say i was the best skater on my synchro team, but you and i both know thats not true. I'm one of the weaker skaters to tell you the truth, although i feel like if my determination and dreams could come true, and if those dreams could be real... i'd be the best skater there ever was. Although because that can not happen i'm stuck waisting my life away... but i'm ok with that!!! I'm not skating for people n e more, i'm not doing it to impress bethany,gillian,allison,sally,sarah,brittany or n e of the the other 20 skaters on my team... i'm skating for me, and i'm determined... someday i'll be great, and even if i'm not i'll always have the determination to work hard, and i can look back on that when i'm 60 years old and remember the good times, i spent working hard at skating and loving it... I don't wana look back on my fat ass being lazy and hating it. The day i loose my determination thats when i'm going to quit, and never look back.
It makes me that must stronger
makes me work a little bit harder
makes me that much wiser
THANKS for making me a fighter!!!!