|Current mood:|| melancholy|
|Current music:||my will by do as infinity|
life sucks, and then you die. - katie
katie's so....self-absorbed. she wouldn't let me talk at all this morning.
spanish is stupid. at least i get a party tomorrow. at least i have a 100 in there
lit. was stupid. i can't even remember all that we did. i just remember the poetry project, which i know i'm going to love.
lunch was fun, as usual. i love lunch this semester.
band was...ok. michael's cool to talk to. : )
biology was dull. bianka walked into the room without me noticing. i'm such an idiot.
anthropology was....scary. i hate that class.
geometry was naptime. i hate that class.
after school, i went with susanne to the library and found the answer out to the extra credit for anthro. i will worship her. without her, i wouldnt have gotten it.
then alicia and i got kicked out of the school for no good reason.
band sectionals were fun. i sat next to alicia. it was great.
i waited so long for my mom to come and get me. i did a good lot of my biology hwk, and i'm still not finished.
i have a playing test for three notes tomorrow just because the asshole saxophones can't play worth shit.
then i came home and here i am.
i told han a secret today.
oranges are messy.
i hate my mom.
i really and truly hope she dies.
tonight, i pray to god that she does.
thats the only thing i wish for.
my mothers death.
i want it all painted black.....
it doesn't even begind to cover it.
i'm writing a poem right now called faceless woman and i'll have a picture to go along with it. i think i might submit one or both for the Vox thing.
Hate, truly is lovely.
And love, truly is hateful.
Damn them both.
I was reminded of Han and Keru today in anthropology (China lecture). It hurt so much to remember them. I miss them so much.
I take all that i said evil about you know who from previously. those were terrible thoughts and i regret thinking them.
Damn them all.
I SAW FRODO!
He's really pretty. I want him.
Alicia got a wonderful love note from a hot asian today. I can only wish. I've never gotten a love note from anyone. It makes me so jealous to hear Bianka tell me about people who used to have huge crushes on her. Why do I have the be the one who was never truly loved?
Why did Eric lie so much? It was terrible not knowing if he was lying to me when he told me he loved me. It was terrible not knowing if he meant it when he called me beautiful. Its terrible to have to wonder if the whole thing was just a god forsaken lie.
I also hate it that I still care about him.
I'm just a curbside prophet wiht my hand in my pocket, waitin' for my rocket to come.
Where is he?
How long must I wait?
And while I wait, why can't I perfect myself for him? I want to be the perfect person for him. But, I can't. And by the way things are going, I never will be.
And so does Anna.
I wonder if just for one day, I could read guys's minds. That would be great.
I wonder how many guys undress me with their eyes. I'll slap them all.
Where's Oscar? I miss him. I have to apologize. I think he blocked me. I hope not. I want to be his friend again.
I want to break down into tears right now. I used to love crying, because there was always someone to comfort me. Now there's no one. No one's shoulder to cry on. No one's gentle hand to wipe my tears. No one to wrap me up into a bittersweet embrace.
Love is a bittersweet embrace. Everyone needs one, and everyone gets some. Some may be small and short and insignificant, but then the others can be so warm. It's always so wonderful. Until it comes to an upbrupt end. And then everything gets cold. You long for another one, but you can't always have one.