*LoU* (singinangel1287) wrote, @ 2009-11-30 01:08:00

In a way I feel like I've stopped feeling anything.
Like I can't feel the appropriate things at certain times.
All I feel at those times is nothing. Or numbness.
And it feels wrong.
I want to feel
And I want to feel right...
Proper...
Is that even possible anymore?

I can't figure out how to gt back to feeling the right way about things.
In a way I'm not sure I ever really did
Which throws me for an even worse loop...
It confuses me
Makes me think harder
More in depth
Even more, it's cause for greater concern...

Do I get medicated? Does talking make it better?
What works?
What has worked?
Has anything?
What will?

I don't want to go through my life always needing medication or almost always having to go back to needing it...
I want to feel normal, I want to be normal... on my own...

I just want to know it's a possibility.
I don't know if i'd consider myself depressed..
I'm lost, if anything, and sometimes I find myself stuck
In a rut, in a sad ditch, a deep gaping hole, that I'm just trying to find a ladder to climb out on.
I'm trying so hard to get out.

But what can I do that is going to make my grades better?
My motivation come back?
Set my priorities straight again?
Is there anything?

I'm scared I'm failing yet I can't find a way to pick myself up and give 2 shits.. I just freak out and worry and hope for the best..

Ugh
I need help....
Now.

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