| Current mood: |  frustrated |
i was on drugs or something last night when i said merlyn was doing good. oh i'm sure he's doing great at school because thats FUN, and i'm just the mean mommy monster from hell, because every morning and every night we fight about every little thing, from eating to getting dressed or undressed to taking medicine that he has been taking day and night for 2 years. and toby is never home anymore, when he is, he's fairly useless, either because we're all asleep or because he can't tear himself from the laptop, i'm tired and i'm SICK OF THIS. he punched me yesterday morning while i was getting him dressed for school. he slapped me today. i wonder if i'll be stabbed tomorrow? and do you know why he is so irate? becuase i'm making him help do these things. because i make him sit down and eat. because i want him to do these things for himself that i KNOW he can do (like take a shirt off). he hasn't finished a whole meal at home in over a week. he takes a bite out of the poptart and then he's all done. but he eats at school. i wonder how much good i'm doing him here. it can't be very much.
and now i understand what people mean when they say they are embarrassed about not being able to control their kids, when one hits you what the hell are you supposed to do? you're not supposed to smack them back, corporal punishment is now all but against the law, and when you h ave a kid like merlyn its worse. how do i make him understand how much it hurts when he does things like that? i don't think i can.
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