| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | "Twilight" by Vanessa Carlton |
Why do I do this?
I am such a big stupid loser. It's my own fault of course. Here I am on a Friday night and everyone is out having fun and I am here all alone doing nothing. Why? Because I'm stupid. Because I'm some sort of antisocial freak. Because I have 5 friends and they're the same 5 friends I had last year and they'll probably be the same 5 friends I'll have in the years to come. Not that I don't love them. That's not the problem. I'm the problem. I think I'm the only one who didn't make any new friends this year. Why? Because I don't make friends. I don't know why. I just don't. I CAN'T talk to people and for whatever reason people DON'T talk to me. I don't talk to anyone in any of my classes. Well, I occassionally talk to and study with Nate. But he's not someone I would call up to hang out with. I'm not any fun anyways. I mean, I have fun when I'm with my friends...but that's because THEY'RE fun. I'm not. I'm dull. And my life is dull. I don't know why I do this to myself. Everyone went and played volleyball tonight. I had multiple chances to go play. Instead I chose to sit here and wallow in self pity. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?! I don't know what it is that makes me do this. It's almost like I feel unworthy to hang out with my friends. They all have all these other friends. I don't know what in the hell I'm so upset about. Of course feeling like this just makes me want to be even more antisocial which in turn will make me more depressed...GAH! I hate being unattractive to everyone. And ok whatver, there's more to life than that...I know that. But it just gets on my nerves. This college is like being in high school all over again. It's just filled with pretty people. Ugh. Sometimes I wonder why I came here. And ya know, I don't really want any pity from anyone so please don't leave comments telling me how wonderful I am because that's not what I need. I just feel like total garbage right now. I just want to go away.
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