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We live to die so why prolong it? (silentdestroyer) wrote,
@ 2005-06-09 22:24:00
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    Current mood: annoyed

    pointless -
    hmmm.. well tomorrow is the dinner dance... pretty much everyone is leaving early to go home and "get ready".. hah. cuz you really NEED 6 hours to get ready for a pathetic middle school dance?? i mean.. its the same poeple you see every fucking day.... its just soo stupid. and everyone is like "omg, who are you going with??" like its actually meaningful.. i mean. its not like any of this is even fucking going to matter by the time we are in highschool...


    you know what sucks though? i dont even mean too, but for some reason i cant help but get into fights with corbin... he just... god. i dont know..... theres just something abou him that just sets me off to the point were if i saw him i would probably like rip off his fucking head.. but that wouldnt solve anything, now would it? so, i just sit there and cry basically. its not like it even matters, and plus... nobody reads this anyways... so..i guess i am just talking to myself again.... but i love corbin... i cant figure out just why... but..... i really do need him.. he helps me alot.. even though i know it dont show it.... nor do i appreciate it... plus.. its not like if corbin even knew how much i really cared about him.. it would make a difference.. cuz i know it wouldnt... he just wont let anything go.... and he wont just.. listen to me for once.. he never has. its always "well, its your fault", and blah blah blah... i mean. i hear hat he is trying to say to me.. but when he does it.. i just feel like im smaller than him.. like somehow he has gained ground over me.. and like. i am nothing.... and still always looking "up" at him.. and i cant do anything about it... and to top it all off... he hates me still... i mean.. when i kissed him (which he has made clear now, was a huge fucking horrible mistake, and that i should burn in hell for it)... things got better.. for the next day.. and thats it.. after that. he stopped talking to me again... and everything fucked up, and now we are back to our origional relationship of unreasonable fighting.. and neither one of us is really in control. and everything sucks between us.. an all i really want to do is..... make it go away... i told him to die... and i feel really bad.. but this battle between us has gone on for too fucking long.... its fucking killing me... i cant even look at him... if i do i think im gonna cry.. and he doesnt even fucking get it. but once again.. everythings just "fine" with me.. because its my fault......... and i made myself this way..

    Chen.



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