|Current mood:|| crushed|
|Current music:||"oceanography"-silent treatment|
lonely little lady
i was writting a poem, but it was coming out lame so i deleted it. i feel so empty. i was at the show and then people came up to me, "are you okay?" gave me hugs... then i said to someone "do i look depressed?" and they answered yes.. and i was having a good day.. so then i felt kinda put down.. and then during the last two bands, i just wanted to cry. i felt soo lonely. and everything was hitting me. like i miss sarah, i wish i wasnt so afraid, i dont like my relationship, my sister might have cancer... everything. i was watching the singer.you know when u just stare at someone, cuz you yearn for them to look u in the eyes. thats what i felt when i was staring up at stage ...mikey. i love that kid. i wanted to go to him and just wrap my arms around him and cry, but i couldnt.. i dont know why i couldnt. i find so much comfort in mike. he understands me more than others. he's like the best friend i have. maybe ill break up with jeff. tell him that i cant have a relationship right now. that its too hard and just hurting me. today on the fone he said "i love u" as he hung up. that scared the shit out of me. it probably didnt mean anything. i wonder where im gonna be in a year. i want to get a job, play an instriment. i wanna play bass. but i cant cuz my dad is taking way too long to give jake the money. i have to raise my money for relay for life. $100 by the 23. i feel so crappy, i see dave and i dont know what to say. i wanna talk to him, i wanna be his friend, but when i go to say something i choke, or i just get that "go away ashley" feeling from him. who knows. god my life is so confusing right now.. pat didnt go to the show, that kinda hurt but oh well, he probably had better things to do anyway, its not like anything was gonna happen between us anyways, hed probably go hang out with the other kids. the bands were fun. i like this kid kurt from the saddest member of your family, and the bass player from silent treatment. im attracted to the singer from silent treatment..greg.. and then mike from the secret unknown. haha they were funny kids
i got augtographs on the cd i bought(silent treatment)
"assley- I<3 you! love greg.." "ashley I want you you are my heart- kris.." the other ones are just like thanks or a name.