| Current mood: |  indifferent |
| Current music: | tv |
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i feel so weird. i cant sleep at all im wide awake. and i feel empty. like i do not feel a single emotion. i feel like i want to cry, but i dont. and i have things i should be excited for, but im not. i feel so yuck im scared. i dont know what is wrong with me but i wish i would snap out of it. i guess i dont wanna feel anything tho, cuz i would be sad. im really lonely. like i dont feel like anyone gives a fuck about me. unless i was like dying or something then they might. i dont really talk to anyone. i talk to shan c cuz i work with her. she is understanding my point of view on things.
well, my kitten is still here stayin in my rm..dunno what they think bout that.
halloween is fri... i dont know. i dont feel like having fun. i dotn have any friends anyway. i guess im goin to the club with jen and hopefully others. umm yea theres no others. im gonna ask gabby.
then bachelorette party on sat. that will be cool. her bridal shower was nice.
ummm why cant i sleep. last night iw as up til 330... so i missed class. i cant tomm. i am doin shitty shitty shitty in school. i just need to remember-things could be ALOT worse. alot. like the past yrs of my life.
if i had lots of friends...or a tight group of girls, id be great. and never ever want a guy. cuz guys go. always. even marriages. fuck taht-its so pointless. i only want a man so i can have kids..and i dont want them to not have a dad...so yea. whatever. i hope i get my reg self back. well i guess. do i really wanna feel emotions> cuz i feel bad ones 75% of the time ya know? brian-now hes the one who makes me happy. i could so be single forever with him like will and grace lol. im suchhhhhhhh a loser.
i guess i feel ok bout myself tho, cuz i know im not a loser-its the other people who have fucked up priorities. im so wired. wtf. i want to go to bed!
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