elyse (shearpop) wrote, @ 2005-08-15 18:30:00

where am i?
wedding shops for
wedding dresses
but not for me
insecurities well over
panic threatens--
i am under this somewhere

weddings.engagements.rings.surround me
another one for me to miss,
my heart breaks again.
.i'm.so.sorry.
but i know that on the day i will not be missed
despite my missing.
another email, another phone call
to say 'i'm getting married'
i am so happy
and i don't feel happy.

sometimes it feels like instead of
drifting apart,
you are simply running in the opposite
direction
but then maybe so am i.
my three pillars.
the three i'd always choose.
(and knew they'd never choose me)
i don't need them anymore
and they don't need me
amidst this chaotic happiness
i feel...grief.

tell me it won't always be this way.

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