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Katelyn (sheahillenbrand) wrote,
@ 2003-11-26 23:16:00
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    Current mood: angry

    beefcake
    yep. back from work i am. and very upset and pissed i am. i hate big y. everyone is against just me. donna and lois. the put me on regiester 1 for 6 hours tonight, so i wasnt in a good mood to start off with. then julie comes over and tells me and katie to watch it cuz donna is here. val comes over later and tells us as well. meaning i should watch it, or once again i will get in trouble. yet why am I the only one warned when everyone else is talking as well? why am i the only one who is at risk for getting in trouble (donna has threatened me with getting written up if i continue my talking ways). yet what makes me even more mad is that donna and lois talk ALL the time themselves. they talk to employees about stupid things, they talk to other supervisors, and customers who are there friends. yet if i ever got caught talking to one of my friends? id practically be dead in that place. I HATE BIG Y. fuck you donna. fuck you lois. fuck big y. i am beyond enraged with that place. EVERY fuckin day i get yelled at. OH and my favorite thing tonight? i asked julie about her supervisor-dom and how long it took her to get there. (it took her a year. fucker) then julie asked sarah how long it took her to become one and sarah was all like "oh why, does she want to be one or something (she meaning me)?" and i laughed and was all like HAHAHA NO. then julie laughed really hard as well and was like "hahaha no offense kate, but i dont think thatd ever happen." (or something along the lines of that, i dont remember exactly, plus it was pretty loud at the time and she was drowned out). but yeah sorry julie, offense was taken. fuck you. ok. now that i am all riled up, i could on forever and ever about fucking big y, but i will stop now because i have a lot of other much more happier things to talk about.

    such as....the BEST weekend ever. check out this shizzle.

    last friday: went to school. chillin in prob and stat when all of a sudden, theres an announcement announcing we're getting outta school early cuz some stupid water pipes broke or what not. CHA CHING! so me, little champ, champ lindsey, champ mark, champ cait, champ kim, champ amber, and champ emily all went out to lunch at applesbees and had a rocking good time. hitler tv! "did you just give her your six flags card?" , hiding napkins, mark breaking picture frames...yayayayyaa it was fun. then me and little champ went to the gym with teh madre. it was great fun. then the nightime involved me and david going to see elf. WHAT A GREAT MOVIE. and oooo man what a great day.

    saturday: woke up at 6 to go to salem state. went, took the first half hour of the tour, then madre decided we needed to leave after we saw: a sign that said 'i did it here with durex condoms', a marijuana plant, a girl sucking on 'volcanoes' (they were clearly penises), and a 4 year old kid flipping off the camera..all on dorm room doors. so we busted outta that rathole and then picked up liz on our way back cuz she was sleeeping over that night. so then we got home, me and liz went to get lil champ, we chilled for awhile, went for a random and wicked fun drive, and then that night me, liz, tinio, will, and dan went bowling. hahahahahhaha oh man was that awesome. we like practically broke everything in there and we didnt get yelled at at all. dan and will rolled like 8 balls down at the same time and then they kept giving out gutter balls. then we all tried to switch scores which led to some vicious fights. then we hit up pub 99 and williams house. then home. me and liz watched the sunday night sex show with sue jo. man that show is hilarious.

    sunday: had a softball doubleheader up in danvers in some indoor complex. the place reeked and the fields were super small, we lost both our games, we were missing a lot of people, but i still somehow managed to have a great time. i followed mrs. cody up which was pretty nerve wracking cuz it was like an hour and a half ride thru boston and everything, but somehow i survived. after the games we went to newbury comics and i almost got into an accident on the way home. thank good ness that person beeped or i would of pulled into their lane and smashed into them without ever looking. that coulda been real bad. but things went fine after that, got home no prob and fell asleep like right away after my exhasting and awesome weekend.



    my parents are fighting again. my mom made an appt with a lawyer to see about divorces. this oughta be an unhappy thanksgiving. thank goodness we already had our real thanksgiving. friday is v dance. ugh. i dont know how i feel about that (see my bit on david below) saturday night is capture the flag at wills house. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


    so this is my journal. yeah. but the things i write in here are always...censored, i guess. like i dont really write my true feelings or ill hold back something about someone cuz i dont want them reading this. but then i realized this is MY journal and i can write whatever i want, about whoever i want and i dont give a care what anyone says. also, only like 2 people (if that) read this, and if they dont wanna anymore, they dont have to. so i can write whatever personal feelings and opinions and things thats happen that i want. so theres my warning.

    now. about david. well i suppose this whole thing starts back when we were going out. i liked him for maybe a month, before things started to get old. mind you, we went out for 6 months. he was annoying, clingy and suffocating. then we broke up and we were just friends. then i got lonely again and wanted attention and activity, so david and i started up a friends with benefits relationship. which has not been my best idea, by far. things were fun at first i suppose. innocent enough as well. hahaha and that time we got caught making out in the parking lot at big y. hahah that was BAD. that got me into to trouble at work as well (but doesnt everything get me into trouble? YES!), even though they shouhld not have been poking their nose into my business, the fuckers. well then, things progressed a little more deeply and thats when he started to get bad. he got clingy and annoying again. apparantly, friends with benefits means we can hold hands and cuddle again and well and he can stay glued to my side JUST LIKE WERE GOING OUT AGAIN. which is exactly what i DONT want. i mean i only wanted the fwb things just for the benefits minus the committal- how perfect is that?. ok that sounds really bad, but its true. i suppose you can say i used david, because i didnt (and dont) want to be with him, i was only in it for the fun. and i thought he understood it, but apparantly he doesnt. it feels exactly how it felt like when we were going out, he calls me every day, he always is trying to hold my hand, even at work, and just hes always generally there. ARGH. but now i feel really torn because we've done a lot, more so then we did when we were going out, and pretty much everything but the big IT. he was a lot of firsts for me and i feel really bad that my heart wasnt really into it all, i think i rushed into things just for the experience and so i can say ive done them. i feel dirty and this is making me out to be a horrible person, which i guess i am. : ( im really fed up tho. and were going to v-dance on friday. but i know its gunna feel exactly the same still. hell still try and hold my hand and cuddle and kiss me, cuz thats how we are now. but thats how we were, and we broke up, and we need to 'break up' again and i need to stop this bad spiral and cut ties once and for all and settle for what life brings me, at least until college. then therell be better guys. i think the friends with benefits thing can work, just not with david. ajhskldhjsakldhsajklsahlasjkh. i feel really bad about him now. im a horrible person. we're stopping all this once and for all.

    and thats it. im finally done this monstrous entry,

    im out like a boner in sweatpants.



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