| Current mood: |  exhausted |
| Current music: | Cassidy-"Hotel" |
Quotes
my bolt journal isn't working so i'm housing these awesome quotes here:
"I didnt give up.. I just turned my eyes away from eyes that couldnt look into mine. I'm trying to protect all that's left of a heart"
"Did it surprise you that I am not who you thought I was? Did it surprise you to find that I dont exactly stand for what you thought I stood for all along? Did it surprise you to find that I'm not exactly how I played myself out to be? That the person you thought I was is actually nothing to what I am. Doesn't it amaze you how the most carefree people who can wear the biggest smile on their face, are the ones who are crying tears of ice alone in their bedroom to cover every part of their depression. Don't let this change anything. For now you know who I am once the darkness hits and I'm alone in my room. I can still be the person you and everyone else thought I was. For that is the person I have played to be for so many years."
For Valentines day i wrote down everything i am feeling for someone and im going to give it to him. we are in a bit of a situation which is hard to explain so im not sure how much sense it makes but yeah...
There has been many times you've asked me what I think, and if I'm ok, and how I feel about things. You have wanted my input many times and I have not been able to give it to you because I have not known how to say it. You don't even have to tell me what you think of this, you can read it and throw it away, you can pretend you've never seen it, or you can tell me how you really feel too. I won't ask you what you think, I will never bring this up. But all I'm asking of you, is that you read it. This is what I think, and this is how I feel, and this is why when I say I am ok, I'm not lying to you.
You find things in life that are worth living for, and people who mean the world to you and in that instant you are finally alive. Because of you, I am alive. Because of you I know how to smile, and to have fun. I know how to turn a horrible day into a great one, because you taught me how.
All it takes to make my day better is one smile from you. You make me feel as if someone cares for me in a way no one ever has before. Although you don't care for me the way I wish you would, I know you still care for me with all that you can. As a best friend.
I realize that we said we are just going to be friends, and if this doesn't change your mind I'm completely ok with that. I realize that the feelings I have for you are not the same feelings you have for me, and I can accept that. But, I can't accept knowing that I don't know for sure. You mean more to me than anyone ever has.
I don't know what it is about you that I like so much. But I'm going to attempt to figure it out. Maybe it's the way you're not afraid to look me in the eye. Or, that you trust me with your secrets, and your problems. Maybe its because you actually care about my feelings. Maybe it's because you make sure that everything is ok with me first, and you apologize more than anyone ever should, for things that aren't your fault, or you can't control.
Maybe I like you so much because you make me feel comfortable to tell you anything, and everything. Maybe it's because I can say or do something extremely stupid, and you won't make me feel as if I am stupid. Maybe it's because you make me tell you what's wrong, and that you know something's wrong even when I'm fooling everyone else. Or maybe, it's because nobody has ever cared as much as you do.
So the truth is, I don't know exactly what is it about you. But, I do know that I like you. I know that you mean more to me than anyone. And I want to thank you for everything you have taught me.
Maybe, this is wrong, maybe telling you all this is completely and totally wrong, but I feel like I have to tell you. And you shouldn't regret anything that you say, because it's what you were feeling at the moment. So that's why I'm doing this, because this is what I'm feeling.
Maybe what we did in the past was wrong, because now it makes it much harder to just be friends. But some mistakes are too fun to only make once, and if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would. Because life if all about risks, and it requires you to jump, this is my jump.
The day we started "dating", which really didn't last to long, I made you a promise, I promised to you that no matter what happened nothing would change between me and you, and our friendship. But sense that day it has, and I think we are both happy it did. You became not only a better friend, but a best friend.
So with this, I am telling you, not only how I really feel about you, but also that I am ok. I am not only ok, I am better now. You made my life worth it. You made me happy. Thank you.
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