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Doug (shadowstes) wrote,
@ 2004-04-20 22:10:00
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    Why does it hurt to tell the story everytime?
    so by now most of you know what going on in my life...so when i say the weight is getting heavier you'll have an idea why. what scares me the most about what is happeneing is every prediction i make has been right on the nail, if you have talked to mandy myself, or brett, you'll know that their relationship will be avoidance of physical contact,....oh god i wish i could beleive that, i see in the near future something way different. the other night i mourned for my dad again, thank god mandy was there, i'm gonna hurt when she leaves me....she says she willn't but brett will get to the point when he'll influence her enough not to hang w/ me anymore. I know my best friend too much, that i hate....there are times in which i could dissappear, i don't want these two have to think about me, this isn' the good dissappear either...they also "reassured" me that they will be here for me, sadly enough i'm reminded of when they "reassured" me of them not seeing each other. right now only two things are bothering me to line of pain....brett; he knew it would tear me up if he were to see mandy, continued to flirt w/ her, in a very suddle way, this he can not deny, why else would you keep a girl at your house till 1 everynight, two, mandy is the only one who cares enough to see me when i most need people....that hurts only because i will have to get use to not seeing her at all, but if i keep confiding, it will be that much more pain.

    this is all only the beginning of true depression, and i feel as if i can't take it now....God...plz help...me...

    signed,

    "one who will very soon be as non existance of a shadow


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