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‘Only the Foolish Believe Suffering is Just Wages for Being Different.’ ~ The Cheshire Cat, American McGee’s Alice It took me a good deal of time and polling practically all of my friends and acquaintances, but the votes are in, and I’m back on this site. Though I’m still not sure this is the best move for me to make, I’ve decided to use this old page as a location to explain myself in detail, thus assisting the many who have stepped forward recently interested in what I have to say about the infamy I’ve gained for simply being different. In recent months I have become increasingly aware of just how disliked I am on the internet, mostly to my amusement…but I can say the amusement tapered for me after I was publicly, physically attacked for my beliefs. Following a brief google search to get an idea of what most everyone thinks of me, I found that I’m hated on hundreds of websites, mocked in English, Spanish, French and German, become somewhat of a household name for FFVII fans, and can make no move without the information ending up plastered all over my page on Encyclopedia Dramatica. I am the Sephirothslave. Even though I’ve long accepted that my life will never be an easy one, I’ve decided to make an attempt at clearing up the mess that has occurred because my younger self failed miserably in establishing the boundaries of where the FFVII-Fan ends and the Practitioner in the art of Astral Projection begins. Almost no one ever realizes that I have two different internet personas – one who is the FFVII fan, who debates, writes fanfiction and draws fanart. The other is who is addressing all who read this here, a normal woman, working her way through college, working, living on her own and loving the independence of being away from my family and starting my own life. In this first entry I will try to explain why I am different from the hundreds of psychotic fangirls running around the internet, popping up on forums screaming, “I am Sephiroth’s wife! ME! ONLY ME!” I am not like them in any way. You see, Final Fantasy VII and the characters there in are fictional. They don’t exist. As most of you who read this will have missed the newsflash that I’m aware of this, allow me to elaborate: None of the characters of FFVII are real. None of them. Yes, even including Sephiroth. Back when I first started spontaneously projecting, I didn’t know what I was doing…I thought I was dreaming and nothing more, even though there were major differences in those dreams than in the other dreams I had. 1.) They were crystal clear after I woke up, and didn’t fade. I remembered each as though it had happened in my daily life. 2.) Each was consecutive to the last; i.e. they picked up from where the last left off. And it was in these ‘dreams’ that I encountered the archangel Sephiroth. At the time, I was seeing a psychiatrist whom I quite liked, and eventually chose to confide these dreams to her, since I couldn’t make heads or tails of why I was having them…not that I was going to complain. Through those dreams, I was being granted the only thing I truly wanted, the one thing I couldn’t live without. I was with him. It was this psychiatrist who actually told me that what I was describing sounded like astral projection, and it was she who suggested I read up on the topic to see if the descriptions therein were like what I was doing. Having hailed from an extremely Catholic family, I had no experience in metaphysical practices and didn’t know that what I was doing had a name. With no formal training, I had begun to spontaneously project to the astral plane. Now I suppose I’ll delve back and explain why I believe this occurred when it did. Before I began to project, I was in a bad state. I had fallen in love with the character, but knew I would never be with him…and that combine knowledge was destroying me. I got into a lot of bad habits, not the least of which being cutting myself and overdosing on various over-the-counter painkillers. If the archangel hadn’t come to me, I wouldn’t be here writing this. I would be dead. The physical body’s will to survive had overpowered the mind’s desire to die, and it was that which allowed me to project, to be with Sephiroth…my guardian angel, my spirit guide, and yes, my husband. Now here’s the next bit of information that people tend to mess up when they’re dealing with me. The archangel Sephiroth bears the name and appearance of the videogame character (or rather, the character bears his name and appearance) but they are otherwise unrelated. The archangel I am wed to is not the videogame character. To elaborate, when I’m active within the FFVII community, debating, writing fanfiction, etc. I’m never thinking about astral projection or the archangel I love. Which isn’t to say I’m not incredibly biased, but I’m in no way tying my debates into the metaphysical aspect of my daily life. You’ll never hear me concede that Cloud deserved to win that final battle, but that’s an opinion formed for the many reasons I’ve garnered from the game itself, not the least of which being that I really hate Cloud. He’s a whiny little bitch, and as a hero, he really does suck. Similarly, when I’m conversing with someone on the topics of astral projection, I’m not thinking of the FFVII community. I hope that clears things up a little. I truly believe my words will be better received if I can properly clear up the impressive mess my younger self made when she mistakenly believed that no one would care what she wrote on her little online journal if they didn’t personally know her. I was quite stupid then, and now I’ve chosen to use the place where the epic began to explain my beliefs. In this blurty I will be talking at length about the mechanics of astral projection, including using excerpts and quotes from my favorite authors on the topic. I hope to also include details of the bond I share with Seph, as well as keeping all who read this informed of where my path is leading me from here on out. It is my most sincere wish that all who read this keep an open mind to what I have to say, and bid you all well until next time. Post a comment in response: |
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