When we are kids, we are told that when we grow up, we can be anything we want to be...have everything we ever wanted...there are different things that are required to get there: hard work, determination, persistence, will....but it is untrue. A falsehood created by past idealists that would strive for their own goal, never achieving them, blaming it on the fact that they never worked hard enough for it, or they were unfortunate, but in reality, they never got what they wanted because life does not allow for personal perfection.
I watched Shrek 2 with my mom tonight and had a few drinks...afterwards she said that she was sad I was leaving... "I hate this" she said. And I felt a twinge in my heart...felt for her. I thought, "I wish I could stay." But then my thoughts went right back to Sean and how excited I am to be going back there to him. I thought about the pools and the hottub, and the heat. I thought about Mimi and Papa and sandwiches and the balcony. I thought about poker out there and the candles. I thought about Silos. And it is so true...no matter what I want, I will never get it all. I would love to be close to my siblings, drive them to practice daily, watch their games after school, play with them on the weekends. I would love to live near all of my friends and be able to go see any of them any time I wanted. I would love to have Sean, and his family, and his friends close enough to see just as often...yet I also want to be able to get away, have my own life, do my own things, my own friends, family, life. And it turns out that you just can't have everything you want. So it is the harsh reality that you have to choose what is most important to you...this is hard for me. While Sean is the most important thing in my life, I am the most important thing to other people...I cannot be in five places at once, so how do I make everyone happy. I can't. And I hate being responsible for the saddness of another person. So what do you do...take it as overwhelming a thought as it really is, or move past it, count your blessings, accept your losses, and go on with life like you are as happy as you can be? Guess so.