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.sedated.illusion. (sedatedillusion) wrote,
@ 2003-11-18 16:36:00
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    Current mood: confused
    Current music:linkin park - my december

    why are guys so confusing? i just dont get it. one minute they got you thinking that they are into you, and then the next minute, they got you feeling really stupid, acting like they want nothing to do with you. i dont get it. just like everytime i see "joe" at work and he tells me that i desperately need to call him because he wants to hang out with me soo bad, then i call him, and he gets off of the phone all quick and goes elsewhere. why do guys do that? i mean, i've like this dude since sophomore year in high school. i'm already graduated and i still have that crush. if high school crushes are supposed to dissolve after you graduate, how come i still have mine? or is mine a crush or maybe is it labeled as something a little more? good god man i dunno. i wish i did, though. like right now, i'm talking to someone, krystal knows who i'm talking about, and this dude really wants to get with me and blah blah blah, but for some reason i keep holding back. i never knew why i was holding back until a few days ago when i was talking to "joe" online. joe keeps making me think that i have a chance and that he really digs me and what-not, but damn, i cant hang on forever. i have a guy right now that would do anything for me and really likes me a lot, always talks about how much hes missed me because we quit talking earlier in the year, and that hes always seen us together, all that great mushy stuff. but i keep holding back because of this certain someone that i really want MY chance with. i never got my chance with joe. never. i'd actually really like to have one. at least to give it a shot, whats the harm in that? i think everyone should have a chance. and now that i just wrote that i realize that i'm not even giving the guy i'm talking to a chance because i want MY chance with joe soo bad. damn i need to straighten my life out. i hate being 18. your emotions are all scrambling around like a bunch of retarded squirrels. its the worst feeling in the world when you have a few guys that really like you and want to be with you, but you want a different guy, a guy that doesnt even look twice. and because you want that other guy so badly, you completely blow off the other guys that are offering you the world. oh what to do?! alright i'm finished for now, my fingers are really starting to hurt me. i'm off to go think...

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