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Well, back from Brian's house...Back to the normal grind of every day life. When I'm with him...It's like the whole world stops, and there's only us. Lying in his arms...It's the closest thing I've ever come to complete bliss, bettered only by when we make love. God...I AM in love with him...And he thinks he might be in love with me...The fact that he's not sure makes it seem more...real than whatever Steve thinks he feels for me. Steve has told girls that he loves them before, but Brian hasn't...That tells me that he's in it more than just to waste some sperm. So Monday, June 22 was the first time I ever was eaten out by a guy, and the morning of the 23 was the first time I ever went down on a guy...I liked it...I wish Brian had felt more comfortable going down on me, because it was...amazing...And that was his first time he ever had done something like that! God...I love when he touches me...I've never been so wet in my entire life...I always thought I'd be uncomfortable taking my clothes off in front of a guy...But I wasn't at all...At first, I was a bit unsure that he wouldn't like what he saw, but evidently I was fucking wrong. I've definitely never had that sort of effect on a guy before. And I like it. But more than that...When we're together, it just feels...right. I hope this all works out...
Besides that, Steve and I fought last night, for the first time, and I think I was finally able to get him to see how I feel. And I think he's beginning to realize that my love for him is not the same as what he expresses for me. Which is good. Because I don't know if I'm really planning on continuing that relationship. I just don't know...I guess I should wait until July, but at the moment...I'm thinking that it's to Brian whom my heart really belong.
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