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sarah (scottishmenrock) wrote,
@ 2003-05-16 17:03:00
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    Well what did i expect
    well i checked my email and found that ryan had written me back. he gave me the whol i like you but only as a friend deal and asked me to write him back. i did and told him my theory about me being single forever and owning ninety cats lol. i called my friend jessica and told her and i almost cried. she said she thought i was so cool she couldnt understand why i didnt have a boyfriend yet. i just get along with guys so well i guess they cant see me as anything else. i told my mom and i was whining about how i must not be very pretty because i keep getting rejected. she said she thought the guys were messed up because i am beautiful. a lot of my friends and family tell me i am pretty. well if i am so pretty where are all the guys who want to date me? my mom says they are too afraid to talk to me because i am so pretty. i wish i could believe that. i knew i was going to get hurt when i got into this thing. i have given up on love but the funny thing is that i wasnt looking for a boyfriend when i started liking ryan. i just feel so lost and confused rigth now. i can only talk to emily and jessica about this. but its still hard because jessica has a good boyfriend who loves her and emily has never had a boyfriend. i cant talk to krystal because its almost like she won because supposedly her and ryan are still going to date while shes with josh if that ever happens. i just feel so lonely and ugly right now. i feel like i am not good enough for anyone. where is my fairytale? where is my knight in shining armor? i fel really dumb for hoping he would like me because he only thinks of me as a cute friend or atleast thats what he said. well there goes another small peice of my heart. tomorrow i will probly read this and ask myself why i was over exagerating and overreacting about this whole thing. tomorrow is another day. billy will you just hold me in your arms? ---sarah

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