|Current mood:|| bitchy|
|Current music:||*my voice yelling* FUCK OFF!!|
So....I've cried mutiple times today and dad tried pretty much harassing me to figure out what was wrong. He figured out it was *him* that was upsetting me and kinda left it at that. He pissed me off tho cuz for a while he just wouldn't let it go. He was all like "you get mad at me for never lsitening to you and when I finally sit down and want to talk you won't".....well reality check. This is not something to talk about with my FATHER
I was lied to again by the way. He isn't moving. He's staying right where he is with HER. Told me that he said he was leaving to get me away from him. He won't let go of something from the past and I'm getting a little sick of him bringing it up every time hes angry with me. He tells me how I don't love him and don't give a shit and never have and I should stop putting up a front and be myself. Well, I am being myself as much as he won't sit down and realize it. He doesn't know that I love him with all my heart because he won't look into my eyes anymore and see what I have hiding in there.
It's really pissing me off. The biggest thing now is I wanna know how long he's been with her behind my back because that means he's cheated on her mulitple times yet again. I'm so sick of this shit. Is it too much to ask to want to be with someone this much? I mean, I've made plenty of mistakes with this guy, I know that. But I've learned from them. I mean, I've even been working like a mad woman to control my anger for HIM. I've been faithful since the whole Josh thing.
And I had reason for that whole thing but I don't want to get into it. All I have to say about that is that *he* wouldn't commit and what the fuck was I supposed to do? Sit around like a puppy and hope that he would want to make it official? I realized I had made a mistake when I ended it with *him* and I tried to right it but he hasn't let it go. He hangs on everything that I do wrong and brings it up when hes angry with me so that he can make me feel like a jackass and turn it around so I"M the one apologizing and asking him to forgive ME. Fucked up huh?