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Alexis (scaredchika) wrote,
@ 2005-03-01 20:59:00
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    I don't know what to write in here. But Raphi brought it to my attention that I haven't updated in a while. So I decided now might not be too bad of a time. Um... Lets see.. what to say...
    Wel Today is Kyles birthday! Yay! I love Kyle so much, i miss tlkin' to him. He's still one of my best friends, I can't replace him ever. I hope he has a good birthday, he deserves it. I just talked to him on the phone. He said he had a good bday and stuff. I had to get off cuz i had like 4 beeps and stuff. I told him to call me tomorrow. He said he doesnt have anyone to call and i'm always on the phone and stuff. But i told him i'd get off for him cuz its soooo worth it just for him to call me. I miss him... i need change subject or i'll cry lol
    Tasha is coming this weekend!!!! I am sooo happy! I miss Tasha a lot and i need her. We always give each other advice and i think i need it ... badly. *sigh* I just flat out miss her.....
    I miss Cheyenne too.... I need her back! She started my outgoingness and now she's gone! *cries*
    I'm cuddling with Nick! Yay! He really missed cuddling too! I know this sounds stupid but sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me just cuz he has a gf.. But I know he does. So it's like a war between what i know and what i feel. *sigh* It really sucks.

    Raphi says that I've seemed depressed and stuff the past while. Well... I really guess i have been but i really don't know why. I been weird lately, i know. And i know a lot of stuff feels wrong and weird but i'm not sure what it is. But see last night i started cryin' again and i thought about it cuz i felt bad bout not givin Raphi and explanation. Well here's what i've come up with....
    Somehow, i feel like Deanna lately. I know people around me who say they love me, I know they love me, i know they do and they always will as they say and promise. But sometimes, it's a fight against what i know and what i feel. Like sometimes I feel like nobody loves me and they're all acting like it but in my head, i KNOW they do. And so i get depressed because my body is fighting with itself and confusing me. *shakes head* I dont know. It's not that nobody tells me enough that they love me, its just that my stupid fucking head is screwed up. *sigh*
    But i'm tired and i'm going to bed cuz, though the time its posted says it like 8, it took me like 3.5 hours to write this cuz i'm talkin' to lots of people and distractions so its 11:30 at night and I'm falling asleep.Dea's gunna be here tomorrow, yay! I had a fight with her but that's tomorrow's journal lol
    I love you all so much, don't think you don't tell me you love me enough, because you do! My stupid heads just fucked up and i need a straight coat and a padded white fluffy room to live in. You can come visit me, I'll be waiting for you!
    ~*~Lexi loves you all~*~

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