|Current mood:|| lonely|
|Current music:||Garden state soundtrack|
Am i meant to wonder the world lonely and depressed?
well my day is going bye really slow and i hate the fact that i have no one to share the day with this guy alan likes me and i've known him for quite awhile but i don't think it will work out due to that fact that he lives in nashville. I mean he said that he would come down and visit but i think it would be such a waste of time and a waste of gas! So i gave him all these excuses for him not to come down and see me. And i don't want to give up on turning david ( another guy that i like but doesn't acknoledge my excistence) gay. i mean i really like him and i mean i think he might like me but something inside tells me that it will never happen. i think i should give up and force myself to be straight at least then i would have someone that likes me but i wouldn't like them so i guess that would be useless. maybe i am meant to be single to wander the world without anyone to share my feelings with and who will want me with them all the time. i think that is my purpose in life to watch others be happy while i am miserable and lonley. i just wish david would like me like i like him. I think that would be a place of nirvana for me just to know that he likes me. i think i could die happy then but do i see that in my future no. but that doesn't mean i am not going to stop trying but i know i should. Only time will tell