| Current mood: |  ditzy |
| Current music: | #1's on Rhapsody |
beauty
When I hit page 152 of "Franny and Zooey", Zooey interupted his particularly Salinger-like spoutings of ego and ugliness of horrible phonies to watch a little girl and her dog playing a game of hide and seek outside his window. I was on the bus at the moment when Zooey looks up and said that there was pleanty of beauty in the world. I looked up, or I guess down, and saw a little girl that had taken a seat away from her family on the crowded bus. I am guessing that she was around 5 or 6. When I looked again she had fallen asleep and was rocking back and forth with the motion of the bus. Finally, she had to take a landing on the arm or the young man sitting next to her. He was about my age, dark like most of the other people around. He, the total stanger looked up and smiled with me at the situation. He held her upright and asleep the rest of his ride until he had to get off the bus.
Amazing, I tell you. I swear it kept me smiling the whole ride.
I had another long chat with Matt the other day. He called me out of the blue and we talked about future and shit. God he is a vain mother fucker. I can't beleive I didnt' see it when we were dating...at least more than I did. He doesn't know a thing about me, even though he has known me for years because I can't get a word in without him blabbing about some highly philosophical bullshit about his feelings about the world. Maybe he and Salinger should date.
Another person who is exactly the same: Kevin. I have to stop it with these kids. I talked to him for a while last night and he actually asked a few questions of me. Amazingly enough. I have figured out what it is. The Dream that every girl wants to acheive and that every guy is baffled by. We, at least I, seem to be bound to want the bad guys, the vain conceited ones that don't pay much attention or care for anyone else but themselves. But the reason, and this is the dicsovery here, is that we want them to fall so madly in love with us that they will pull a 180 just for us. Just for me that one person would think that they could lay down the most important thing in their life (themselves) and give that attention to me. Selfish as a bastard, I know, but that is it!
I am packing to go home. Thank the Lord. I have been working a lot this week and it really depresses me when I realize how horrilbly unwitty I am. Just like when I had one of those rare moments of wit in the company of Phil Schnider and the turned to me and said, "Woah. Your funny. I didn't know that." :( I am prancing around my room in my new clothes pretending that I am a little rich girl, again. I wish I could do this more often.
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