| Current mood: | ? |
| Current music: | What's A Girl to Do//Bats for Lashes |
Hello Time Bomb! I'm ready to go Off
No good
No good
No good
No fucking good
This is bad
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fucking dumbass
Emotion/emotion/emotion
Why can't it keep fucking quiet?
Can't say I'm anxious, though...
Doctor
Has me on some
pretty hard core stuff
now
Straterra a no go
&he won't let go of the welbutrin
Valium?
No, addictive past history
Something like it-
klonopin
&the storm comes to a calm
My vision slows
&coherently-
I don't care anymore.
Willing
Knowing
right & wrong
My head sways this&that
My body elevated
Arms to my side
&tears
streaming from my unblinking eyes on a face that is emotionless//
Anything you say,
I'm dying
Anything you don't do,
I'm dying
I'm in the bathroom hiding
My face under the pillow
Please please don't give myself away
Stop choking, stop moving
breathe
breathe
breathe
I'm a fuck up
I'm not worth a shit
I'm temporary
I'm too Goddamn emotional
I need to leave
I can't look at you
Please please please
don't look at me
Act as if I don't exist
Wrap your entire body around me//
I don't want
I can't let you see me like this
You're going to run
It's fucked
I'm fucked
You shouldn't have to deal with this, too.
I'm not worth the trouble.
You wouldn't understand.
Don't be mad.
It's not you. It's not you. It's not you!
I'm spent.
4 shots of whiskey
2 beam&cokes
1 beer
1 klonopin
Zombie.
"I'm worried about you.
I don't agree with this doctor, putting you on all these pills."
Doctor told me
Doctor told me
he can fix my chemical unbalance
But he can't fix me,
the way I think
&how I bring myself down.
I have to do that.
Pills pills pills
Are so my body won't work against me or encourage my
my fucked thoughts.
&as I lay in bed last night>
"I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up
I'm a fuck up"
He's not going to understand.
This isn't me.
I know it's going to come, sooner or later
I just never know when
Or how long it will last
A couple of days
a week
weeks
But when it comes,
I'm
d.e.s.p.o.n.d.a.n.t.
Distant
Paranoid
Insecure
Self-loathing
Paranoid
Insecure
Self-loathing
Paranoid
Insecure
Self-loathing
Please, be patient with me.
&just kiss me.
just kiss me.
[&say something that can't go wrong]
Hello, I'm Neurotic
Creating problems that don't exist
Don't believe me when I say it's alright
Let's go to my apartment
We'll pull the sheets up over our heads
Forget all reasons to go outside
Beats pulse, they're automatic
Locked inside of my apartment
Make confessions with the television on-
I'm fine
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