| Current mood: | ++++++ |
| Current music: | Lazy Eye// Silversun Pick-ups |
If these ideas are plans, then by God why aren't you dead?
Hypocrite
The word comes to mind.
Dissembler
Aswell.
I'm really not so shocked at the audacity of people anymore.
Everyday I lose a little more faith in humanity.
& their intelligence.
& their intentions.
& their cowardice.
& their immaturity.
& well, you know
My work here is done.
It was intentional,
you know
I wanted you to surmise the worst.
&based from assumptions,
your true colours shine.
& not that it told me anything new.
It's just... too easy.
& well, you know
self-entertainment.
I've been doing this for years, yeah Blurty?
Is it instinct to just pressume?
In all reality, I can go back years-
Read a few lines & think to myself,
"Who the fuck is this about? I don't remember. It could be atleast 3 people!"
Well, my intentions weren't to confuse myself. Alas.
Just readers, sometimes a specific name.
I had a good many angry with me.
Apparently, I still have that charm.
Which, you know
is exciting.
It's not all been striped away.
I am capable.
& I will manipulate-
where I see fit.
This reminds me of an entry from January 31st, 2008.
In regards to Angie.
It goes:
I run my mouth in the event to speak my distaste.
I.don't.care.for.you.
To flatter yourself thinking I care because I talk shit,
is it desperation for attention?
Listen,
Everyone of you are vulnerable to be spoken about in an unfriendly manner if you have given me reason to no longer show respect for you.
Alas, I could just stay silent.
But this is where self entertainment arises.
I will amuse myself at the cost of you.
Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy
Everything seems to come full circle
& our out of style is back again
Like bell-bottoms and wedges.
It's de-ja-vu of life circumstances.
I've come to a conclusion, kids.
Big Brother comes in more than one form
[other than a gov't eye]
Atleast, in theory.
It's that sick eel again, squirming about our stomachs
Addicted to knowing, wanting
& complaining
when the information is distasteful.
Maybe we should all pray for a blinde eye, eh?
Evidence is not flattery is not blame.
& I am no sycophant.
& it all comes back to that little flaw
of mood influenced issues
& the ressurection
of what was once enjoyable.
Unzip my body&
Take my heart.
Because I need a beat
To give this tune.
That was a landmark,
I'd say
Last Night.
Once again,
I sink further into this.
&It's amazing,
How I let you in me
So Willingly
anymore
I'm at ease [with you]& find no
hesitation
to let you do with me
whatever you want
whenever
&however
&Even after the fact
there is no guilt
or discomfort//
Regardless,
Even though I think you're beautiful
&such the gentleman
Charming with good intentions
-I still put space between us.
Paranoia created over years
of fuck-overs
&bad relationships
&our prior history
I'm afraid of getting
hurt.
I still can't help but wonder
What's behind that look of his
When he's gazing down at me
As if about to speak-
A hint of... [admiration isn't the right word
But it's the first to come to mind]
In his expression & eyes
A look of heart's ease
&contentment.
I love it.
Overwhelming
from every direction
||Intensity||
&I cannot panic
[this is neither time nor place]
Breathe.
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