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Well, it's been two days since my best friend stood me up on New Year's Eve. I have to say, i'm quit over it now. There is also something else I have to say, though. I am sorry that I took the situation so hard. I really shouldn't have. One of the things that I said was that I expected him to ditch me for Laura, so then why was I so pissed about it? I was just sour about having to sit at home on the last holiday of 2004 with nothing to do, much like i did on... well, heres a list: 1. St. Valentine's Day - What am I gonna do? I probably had plans with Eric to drown in my sorrows at not havin a girlfriend to do anything with. He, however, made his move on Laura, the current g/f, on this day. How romantic, asking a girl out on Valentine's day. I believe i'll be doing the same thing this year, too. Languishing at school, then coming home and being sad because I don't have anyone to call MY significant other. 2. My Birthday - This becomes less of an event every year. For my sweet 16th, 3 years ago, I literally did nothing. This year, I had cake with family, opened presents, and that was it. No friends that I remember, no good times or permanent memories, nothing. Hell, that holiday (Cinco De Mayo is my Birthday) has always been shitty for me anyways. 3. 4th of July - Nothing. Eric went to the lake with his parents, and Neil had already moved to Houston. Can't remember if I knew Ray or not... yes I did. He was out shooting fireworks and probably getting half-drunk too :-P. That's ok, though. The 4th is still fun to me. It's Valentine's Day that I hate the most. 4. Halloween - Sat at home and played games. Woohoo. No friends, no family, just me in my secluded saftey-blanketed area with my Uber-PC, GameCube, and PS2. 5. Thanksgiving - More of the same. Games, family dinner, games. No good conversational pieces came from me, and I didn't talk when the subject came to something I knew nothing about. That's why I don't enjoy holidays taht involve family gatherings. No one else is into what I am... no one else likes Anime, Games, Computers, and Car Audio enough to bring them up as a conversation topic. So I just go back to my room and eat, while watching some of that nice anime I love sooo much. 6. Christmas - Same as thanksgiving, only I did take part in a conversation. About my poor car. Other than that, Same old, same old. 7. New Years - In my other entry, you can find out about what I was doing, in detail. Read it. OK, so... what was the meaning of the title? Well, I already made the apology. That extends to Eric, which I haven't had a good conversation with since last year :D and Laura, who I seemed mad at just because she was participating in it. If either of them see this page, they might be mad at me. Hell, I was mad at her and could still talk to her like normal... kinda freaky. Anywho, like I said, apologies extend to those I have humiliated or belittled with the prior entries noew to be known as "The New Years Flame, 2004" So, onto that second word in the topic. Realizations... now what can that mean? Lemme tell ya real quick. I realized through this little ordeal what my major problem was. I rely on a single friend for all my social entertainment. That is a major shortcoming on my part. Being shy doesn't help at all with the making of friends. My core group of friends from High School split me from the group shortly after graduation. Travis, Lee, Jason... I never talk to them anymore because they quit inviting me over to roleplay. Neil, my only other cose friend besides Eric, left for Houston to live with his dad. We were also on bad terms when he left, due to a little misunderstanding. It's cleared up now, and we're friends again. But, that still leaves me with one less friend close by. I had friends at Target when I worked there, Zach and Justin. They were both from school too. I am still in contat frequent enough with Justin, but Zach just kinda quit talking to me. Guess he doesn't like me anymore. I also had other friends at Target, ones that I would talk to every day I saw them. Unfortunately for me, I never did anything extracurricular with them. I have only one old friend I have exempted thus far... Billy. After I started working for Raytheon, I got an IM from Billy. We started talking, saw we were still friends, i guess, and he invited me to an anime convention with him, his sister, his g/f, and Justin. Oh, and it wasn't wierd being there with him and his g/f.... they didn't hang on each other. I was surprised, i thought that was what they all did o.O... Anyways, The only friends I have left are Ray, which I didn't know really well until about August or September, and didn't start doing anything with until recently, and Eric, Laura, and Andrew. Go through that entire list. Of all the people mentioned, I have talked to the following last week: Andrew, Eric, Laura, Ray, Neil, Justin. A mere 6 friends in contact with me over the entire span of a week. This is where the realization comes from. Only Eric was ever free, in the past, to do anything with. Andrew is only 16, he can't drive or do anything without his parents interfering. Justin doesn't drive, and usually just sits at home like me, playing games and wathing fansubs. Neil is usually in Houston. Laura was always either at work or with Eric ... and I would NEVER hang out wth her alone. Eric gets jealous too easily, and he'd kill me. Ray has a life. That is why I am always here, usually being bored to death. Now, apologies and realizations aside, Eric could have taken this into account and tried to make some time for us to do something... then again, he's lazy just like all the rest of us guys are. Well, time to go play my games. At least I had fun last night. It should hold me over for about a week. 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