| Current mood: |  hopeful |
One more night alone...
Then I shall be joining Severus for the rest of the week at Hogwarts. It's not so much I fear being around Remus during his change, it's just how HE has changed. I am not afraid to say he frightens me more now than he ever has.
I am packed, and ready to depart in the morning. Severus seems to think I will find much to keep me busy, along with certain persons there plotting to keep me occupied. It sounds like I won't be spending much time curled up in black fur on a rug before the fire at Severus' feet after all.
More is the pity. I just want to be near him, and relax. Nothing more. The weather is bitterly cold out, I had to cut my walk short tonight, the cold was making me ache. I am sitting by the fire now with a lap blanket, this journal and a hot cocoa laced with a bit of liquor to help me sleep.
Denial? No. Moderation. I will show him I can do it. It's the first I have inbibed all day. I am quite proud of myself. Cooking helped, being up and around helps. Knowing I will be sleeping beside him tomorrow night helps more.
I wish Remus could find such love and completion. For a long time, I thought it would be with me, but it was not meant to be so. I need a stronger man than I to keep me in line, to make me be the best I can. Severus inspires that in me. Remus was a comfortable, adoreable friend and tireless lover, but he wasn't enough to keep me loyal and at home. I am not faulting him, I was more than he could handle, that is all.
I would like to think that Severus has reigned in that part of me, and channeled it to better use.
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