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It's better now...
Severus and I talked yesterday afternoon, this was after the blow-up of Friday night. Hot and cold, hot and cold, it's a wonder we haven't killed each other yet.
He came to me to do an intervention, and I was too tired to fight, or to argue. He knows I have a problem, he has finally caught on. He wants to help, but is angry that he really can't. It's not in him to be the handholding partner should I start attending Wizard AA meetings. And I won't.
We shall try, that is all I can say at this point. I am past the DTs, but the craving is still there, the need, the want for the missing crutch. I am going to try to work on myself. Meditation, walks on the grounds when I am better. I need to avoid Remus. We both do. I love him like a brother, but with him, he brings a poison. Damn you Remus.
Well, anyway, we talked. Severus and I, then we left my rooms, and went back to the conjugal bed and fell into each other's arms. It was one of those rare couplings for us. Silent except for soft groans, and sighs of pleasure, surrender, and release. It was slow and gentle, more than our normal ruts. We laid together afterward in silence for nearly two hours, just holding each other, and breathing in each other's scent, listening to each other's heartbeats. After that, we rose to shower and eat.
I want to try cooking again soon, I want THAT to be my therapy, my ladder out of this pit. I still can't stand for long periods of time, I will have to summon a stool to set on while I cook. I hate being lame. I hope I get over this soon. Ah... Severus is here now
*writing gets smudgy, and unreadable.*
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