| Current mood: |  crappy |
| Current music: | Ani DiFranco - "Both Hands" |
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Dear God,
You know all my life I’ve believed in you, except for recently I’ve become skeptical. But, God, if you are up there I’d like you to take a few minutes out of your life and help me. I think people get the wrong impression of me. They see a slightly “gothed” or “punked” out girl and never bother to look deeper. Maybe if they noticed my observant eyes then they’d understand what I thought. Maybe then they’d understand my problems, then they’d see the real me. I know it’s not healthy to live a lie, knowing that people think I’m someone who I’m not but never setting them straight. If I really want people to understand the real me maybe I should let them into my world for a few brief moments, God. But, that leads to fake smiles, fake sympathy, and fake friends. I don’t want people to be my friend because they feel that I’m a poor soul, I want them to be a true friend, someone who actually cares if I live or die. I want someone to say “Hey, How is your day?” and actually mean it. I want to see what others see when they look into the mirror. I want to see me. I want to see me as a young woman and not just a kid struggling to grow up. I want to understand life, God, I want meaning. God, I don’t know what I want to be, and I’m beginning to wonder if I will ever know. I don’t seem to think like typical Christians do and that leads to disagreements and being on the outskirts of even my own youth group. God, I want you to open my eyes and let me know you’re real. I want all of this, God. But this all would take a miracle and I don’t think the world is ready for that, God, I don’t even know if I am.
Oh, she's losing faith in what she knows
Hates her music, hates all of her clothes
Thinks of surgery and a new nose
Every calorie's a war
And while she wishes she was a dancer
And that she'd never heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her some answers
And make her feel beautiful
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