|Current mood:|| irritated|
goodbye goodbye cruel world! lol -HP
hello dearest friend...my journal...i do miss my old journal though my real journal, my paper...that doesnt allow others to read my thoughts. but i hae always thought of writing an online journal so people would fucking understand m,e...but they wont..never. and i dont want them to anyways. amanda is upstairs. she just finished writing a journal entry..the moron savedi t under my name...well now im deleting it..yay.
so. i read amandas newest entry. it pretty mcuh discusts me. she needs to make up her fucking mind, either she likes tim or she fucking doesnt. jesus christ, she goes on and on abotu these 'emotions' she just makes me want to slap her...because whatever the fuck is going on sure as hell isnt half as bad as the shit them two put me thru and if its even half as bad i cannot say that she doesnt deserve it..karma is a bitch. i can hear her retarded music..grrr. wallowing in selfpity.
"There must be something that has the answers for the reasons we carry on each day... why we strive for eachothers affection and approval..there's just gotta be."....shakes head in diiscust...who fucking cares? ive contemplated the thought so many times that i dont even bother anymore because i know i will end up with a whole shit load of NOTHING. you will never know what your life purpose is, why we are here, and what the fuck is going on, if there is a higher power or anything so might as well not waste your thoughts, or use it as a krutch. ive been here for three days, and since last night i wondered why the fuck i am here. why the hell am i here, in this house? why am i speaking to ANYONE who has treated me like shit? what am i? some pathetic little weaking who forgives every sin done to me...someone could fucking kill me..id go haunt them for a bit, scare the shit out of them, then they woud break down apologize and i'll be in my little ghosty spectral form coddling them saying its alright i understand, theres always room for forgiveness. anywho so yah and after reading amandas journal its like ahh whatever, im sure this carosuel will spin around a 100 more times, drama with tim! drama with johanna! drama with fucking everyone and every fucking thing, and once again i will be taken for granted and walked all over. oh well i do it to myself. i must have committed some ungodly sin in my past life to be reincarnated as such a babling village idiot. hmm i wonder what it is...pa-haps i should consult a psychic :-/....i love how all week amanda was talkign about how she wanted to see me again and after the first night its just like whatever...your here. ok, now im all confused about tim and johanna...ohh boo hoo...im sorry i have no sympathy for you...if you dont like tim or you dont want to be friends with him ...just fucking tell him and make up your mind. and if jojo has difficulty beingh ur friend because of it or cant make time for you...here reality-> F U C K H E R.
just like i thought of amanda for a while when she was being the worst person to me... FUCK HER. do i feel the need to talk to people like that? no. move on get over it. u wanna be my friend and your capable of being a honest loyal friend, fucking awesome, if not, oh well. if your a prick to me for no reason? F U C K Y O U. i'll live the world is not over..nor will it be until the apololypse which for the sake of teenage happiness should be soon. anyone who reads this might say 'oh mal you've become such a bitch!'..well no actually i would say i have grown a thick layer of skin and am a lot protective of myself for myself, not for anyone else. alright its really hard to type with these goddamn nails on i must take my leave and go.
buh byez. p.s- aaron lewis needs to be fucked widly.