|Current mood:|| sleepy|
11 West 42nd
I've been tired before but this kind of exhaustion is really new to me. Is this what a hard days' work is all about? Coming home, looking for something to devour, falling onto the bed and falling fast asleep? If so then that's been my routine as of last week.
The job isn't bad. At first I thought it was the worse thing in the world simply because I was disappointed that I didn't get the job I wanted so badly the first time around and I also dreaded this job because I knew I'd be working full time. Maybe I was being lazy minded and wanted to make money for doing less than I should've or could've but now it doesn't bother me so much. I know I've already drifted from my internet friendships and I don't feel that bad either. Real life is real life and though it's cruel, it's what I need.
I never imagined that I'd have such a hard time with the guys at work. Everywhere I go I feel like I'm under constant observation and it's not just because I'm new and may need help here and there, it's the kind of observation that some girls desire while others *like me* hate. In the afternoon every time I go downstairs on the lovely elevators there's a security guard that always bothers me, at first it's funny when he speaks out loud like he knows me well and then it's annoying when he throws little insults into his comments as if he really knows anything at all. I can understand his job is boring and all but I'm no one's entertainment... I can't smile everytime he thinks he's being funny.
Then there's the guys I actually work with. In particular, Barry and Sandy. I don't know why I feel it necessary to speak to each of them about conversations that have nothing to do with them but I do and maybe it's because I'm bored. I'm a week and two days into this job and I'm trying to stay out of trouble, I really am but sometimes it's harder than it seems. Barry is a liar, top notch... but I like him. He only scares me because he has girlfriends everywhere and a wife... now it's one thing to play the field but it's another thing to not realize when your field has been played and to realize that there is no more field to play on. He's a good looking guy, nice body as some people have said but I'm not going to become anyone's toy.
Sandy is a mystery. I like him a lot and I see someone who really doesn't belong where he is when I look at him. He's seen a lot and people that have seen a lot always concern me because I'm caring like that but I try to maintain my distance emotionally because it is the work place and you can't care too much because things can always happen that could crush your caring spirit. Sandy is a mystery.
Me? I try to be honest and open no matter how crude it may seem, there are things I can keep to myself and there are things I don't mind disclosing but I have to be careful as well because my sister-in-law works there as well and from the things that fly from some people's mouthes around there the last thing you want is to be too open or it may come back and slap you right in the face.