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NoThInGnEsS qUeEn (rockishfemme) wrote,
@ 2003-10-22 19:03:00
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    Current mood: exhausted
    Current music:no doubt - return of saturn cd!!!

    time for Sylvia .... she knows how to help me ... i guess...
    Sylvia Plath

    Nobody in the lane, and nothing, nothing but blackberries,
    Blackberries on either side, though on the right mainly,
    A blackberry alley, going down in hooks, and a sea
    Somewhere at the end of it, heaving. Blackberries
    Big as the ball of my thumb, and dumb as eyes
    Ebon in the hedges, fat
    With blue-red juices. These they squander on my fingers.
    I had not asked for such a blood sisterhood; they must love me.
    They accommodate themselves to my milkbottle, flattening their sides.

    Overhead go the choughs in black, cacophonous flocks --
    Bits of burnt paper wheeling in a blown sky.
    Theirs is the only voice, protesting, protesting.
    I do not think the sea will appear at all.
    The high, green meadows are glowing, as if lit from within.
    I come to one bush of berries so ripe it is a bush of flies,
    Hanging their bluegreen bellies and their wing panes in a Chinese screen.
    The honey-feast of the berries has stunned them; they believe in heaven.
    One more hook, and the berries and bushes end.

    The only thing to come now is the sea.
    From between two hills a sudden wind funnels at me,
    Slapping its phantom laundry in my face.
    These hills are too green and sweet to have tasted salt.
    I follow the sheep path between them. A last hook brings me
    To the hills' northern face, and the face is orange rock
    That looks out on nothing, nothing but a great space
    Of white and pewter lights, and a din like silversmiths
    Beating and beating at an intractable metal.
    intricate is my mind - i broke down in front of my mom - we talked and she wants to know what bothers me - i kinda told her - iono whats gonna happen now. i hope things get better in my head - so many things bother me and so many other things make me happy. i need to find a balance between them - so not healthy.
    according to my horoscope i need to get out more often and enjoy myself - but then if i go out - will i really enjoy myself? the last time i really - truly enjoyed myself has been some time ago. i was invited to go to a party next weekend - but i dont really know that person or particularly care for that person - so why go? i'm gonna be by myself for some time - i need my loneliness! its nice to know that people care - i feel loved - thanks guys. u guys help me to get my mind somewhere else.

    i've cried too much today - my eyes are uber tiny!

    having soooooo many no doubt moments lately!

    love sucks! its never gonna come around here - congrats to those who have it - its a beautiful thing - too bad i dont have that

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