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Nature Wished (rk86_05) wrote,
@ 2012-06-24 22:01:00
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    So I haven't updated inawhile... That seems to be a recurring theme in my life.

    ---

    My Public Allies interviews went amazingly well. I was happy to make it past the first round, which meant that I'm good enough to be a Public Ally. Now all I have to worry about is if I was good enough for the agencies... I went down 2 Fridays ago through last week Tuesday night; interviews were on Tuesday. I interviewed for 7 positions and at the end of the day, I had to choose my top 5 and the agencies had to pick their top 5 out of 50 applicants.

    While I was on my break, a guy from an agency noticed my name tag and said, "You're Edwin?". I said I was; I thought I may have met him from somewhere, but it turns out he and his director looked at my resume beforehand and he said he was hoping I'd stop by his table. He invited for over to interview with him, so I did. I thought this was exceptionally good news because he took the initiative to find me, even when I wasn't really interested in the agency at first. I'm glad I interviewed though, as they provided more insight to what their position entails than what the job description stated.

    I won't get a definite answer on who I'll be paired up with (if at all) until the first week of July, so I'm hoping... *Fingers crossed*

    ---

    I'm very glad my time's coming up here in the city. I've been wanting to get out since high school, and while certain things held me back after graduation, I'm glad that those things aren't in my life anymore or have taken a spot on my backburner.

    Leaving Milwaukee would mean so much to me... Not just personally, but symbolically I feel too. Symbolically, it means that I'm starting a new me somewhere. A new me that won't care what I'm leaving behind. Yes, I have great friends here and I'd do anything for them, but they're growing up too. They have their famlies, they're getting married, they've priorities that I can no longer be a part of... I, as a single gay man, cannot expect to get married any time soon (when it's legal) or have children of my own (adoption's tricky; the chances of a single gay man successfully adoption a child are astronomical). I have to live in the now, and I can only depend on myself to make my goals happen.

    ---

    In bringing up the last mention, I feel that my eventual move to Orlando will provide better opportunities. I don't think I'm going to be a lifer there; I imagine myself moreso living on the east or west coast, but it'll be a start to what I want to do where I want to do it in.

    I want to live in an apartment outside of a busy street, perhaps above a coffee shop somewhere. I want to wake up to a sunrise and start my mornings out with aforementioned coffee and a stroll down the block. I would walk to work, ready for the changes I'm about to make in the world, knowing that what I do positively affects lives. I work the 8am-4:30pm job, or whenever until the jobs is done, and I love what I do. At night, I'm a partier or a loner, a lover or a cuddler. I can spend the night dancing with friends over wine, or enjoy a night-in with homemade baked ziti and Netflix. Throughout the work, I would spend hours in the gym, working hard toward the body I want to achieve, knowing that I must match the inside with the outside. I'm not vain or a gym rat; I just want a healthier lifestyle and being at a healthy weight right for my body. I know I'll never look like a "twink" and squeezing myself into 28x32 jeans, but I want to simply look better than what I do now. I want to be eccentric, suprising neighbors with baked goods or picking up random hobbies. I want to be the old man that young people aspire to be. I want to die doing something adventurous, liking climbing a mountain, parachuting, or saving someone's life from a burning building.

    ---

    I want so much more in life because I know my time is limited. I don't know what's in store for me after my unavoidable death; perhaps nothing at all, but that is why I have to live in the now. I'm meant for so much more and I want to make a name for myself, partially to prove myself to all those bastards who said I couldn't do anything. Revenge is best served cold.

    ---

    Oh, and leave it to a TV show to help me understand my feelings... Ugh. I don't understand my brain.


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