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Risia Skye (risiaskye) wrote,
@ 2009-08-04 02:21:00
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    I hate that feeling
    I swear I must have a sense for telling when I'm the subject of discussion. I hadn't been to RateMyProfessors for months, but I went there on a whim today, and sure enough the first eval of me since January was on there, and it's my first ever null set, a complete pan. The comment is "I got just 3 words about her...DON'T TAKE HER."

    Someone in my class, a class I thought had actually gone very well, hates my guts in a blind and unreasoned manner. That is disturbing partly because I'm a child and I want to be liked, but also because I didn't see it coming and it makes me wonder who it is and whether they've been very good about masking it, or what. So, I've been guessing who it might be for a while, which is ultimately not helpful in any way, but is hard to avoid all the same.

    Also, as a piece of text, it has its problems. As a piece of logic, it's a real bummer. I mean, why have you stayed if you wouldn't take my class? This does not compute. Why didn't you drop?

    It bothers me, too, that this student didn't try to improve their experience of the class, or else find another section (of a widely available course) that better suited them. And if I have done something to alienate a student to this degree, I wish that I knew what it was, and so could examine my own actions to evaluate my choices with some context. The ambiguity of their complaint leaves little room for constructive interpretation. That makes it garbage, really--pure toxicity.

    I stared at it for about ten minutes. Nobody's ever given me that kind of negative review. I've had a few lowballs over the years, but really very few, and none at Southwestern. Wrecked my night. Kinda wrecks my feeling about this whole term, really.

    Leo's asleep right now. I know David is exhausted and at the brink, and I really feel for him. Reading his blurty makes me sad because he's struggling, but also it's nice for me that he's doing it, in a way, because it gives me the illusion of being close to him when I read it. I like the insight into where he is emotionally, because he's not the most emotionally open (except with anxiety, and even that is spotty) person when he's *not* under strain, and he's even tougher to draw out when he's struggling with something. I'll be glad when we can have more time together again, though. This chemistry schedule, plus work and training, really makes his days full and his evenings short or nonexistent.

    In summation: we need a fucking vacation.


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