| Current mood: |  pensive |
goodbye, A1
After ten years here, A1 goes back to Flagstaff this weekend. In part, it is due to a lack of money. In part, that is due to incipient diabetes, and an unwillingness to seek professional medical help based on a wildly uncontained fear of medicine.
I can't help but feel like I've failed him somehow. We've been friends for the better part of twenty years, and I've seen him drowning for some time, even repeatedly. I've tried to help, or to keep my peace and let him be himself, and I just don't know how to make it any better. Not to mention, our friendship has long been based on the guy code of not talking about things, but doing things together. So, there's no way to broach many of these things, and when I try I just alienate and hurt him, and put distance between us by violating his hermetically-sealed self.
And yet...Ten years is too long to stay holding down the pause button on your life.
And even this is making his life, his choices, and his struggles about me, which they aren't--no matter what D says when angry or unsettled. They're his own choices. I'm glad that we could be there for him, to keep him alive when I honestly believe he would have simply curled up and died after the loss of Anwen and all he went through with and for her. But, I wish we could have helped him to turn the tide. I wish I knew how to save a life.
How to Save a Life by The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
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